


Reality

by messagetoman



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Denial of Feelings, Drug Use, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, sexuality denial
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-06
Updated: 2013-07-16
Packaged: 2017-11-23 21:58:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/626947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/messagetoman/pseuds/messagetoman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry takes his father's advice and starts “living in reality”, which requires him to stop writing. So Harry no longer shields himself in the narratives his imagination creates and submerges himself into reality, which involves love, drugs and a whole lot of conflict.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Trophy Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my first time posting and i'm just a bundle of emotions and i'm not entirely sure where this note is going but i hope you enjoy x

Harry had missed the sensation of writing. His fingers uncontrollably unleashing on his keyboard as he raced to get his gushing thoughts down. He missed wracking his brain for that one particular word that captured and articulated exactly what he was trying to convey. The feeling of relief he had once he was drenched of words for that particular sitting and was satisfied with his finished piece.

He hadn’t written for a _long_ time now.

And maybe it was for the better. Maybe he needed to start “living in reality” like his dad told him and stop shielding himself in the narratives his imagination created as a form of escape from his troubles.  
But maybe it was for the worst. Because now that Harry had started “living in reality” he no longer spoke to his dad and no matter how hard he tried, or whatever he tried there was no longer a way of escaping.

*

It starts on a Saturday morning. And Harry can remember it exactly because he had made a promise with himself (and with his father) to get out on a weekend instead of staying in. Usually he would ignore what his father told him to do, (seeing as he was hours away in his university) but Harry couldn’t shake the feeling that it was about time he got out and lived a little. After all he had been at university for almost a month now and he still hadn’t developed any substantial friendships.  
Perhaps it was partly Harry’s fault, but he liked the comforts of his own dorm, and more importantly the comfort and familiarity of his own room. You see, Harry was never like the other boys. He hadn’t taken to any form of sports, despite his father’s best efforts, he simply enjoyed being inside, his nose buried in a book. Later on, it seemed Harry wasn’t even interested in girls, much rather preferring to stay at home and write.

Ok so it might have been wholly Harry’s fault for not developing a relationship further than an acquaintance at uni and he was starting to get lonely. He no longer had the sufficient amount of time to write, seeing as the demands of university were now his utmost priority, so in a sense reality was forced upon him and Harry had no choice but to accept it.

So instead of allowing himself to write in the spare time he treasured so dearly, Harry went out, determined to strengthen the relationship he had with one of his acquaintances.  
To his surprise he was soon to forge a friendship with another student in his dormitory, in that one day. Upon stepping out of his door and out into the hallway Harry colludes with another body in the small space. The two both let out a small “ouch”.

Harry stares at a pair of unnaturally breathtaking blue eyes as he mumbles out a weak “sorry.”

“Not at all your fault mate, I was texting.” The male waves his phone. “All my fault.”

It soon sets on Harry this is the part where he is required to reply, “Not all your fault really, I kinda was just standing at the doorway deciding on where to go.”

“Ah, don’t get out much do ya?” The male lets the conversation flow as the two walk down the hallway now, no longer awkwardly standing at Harry’s doorway.  
“Not really.” Harry admits, his cheeks heating at the confession.

“No wonder I couldn’t put a name to your face, I thought I was losing my touch, I pride myself on my excellent name-remembering-memory.” It seems the guy is just making things up now, trying to finish his sentence and Harry chuckles lightly.

“My name’s Harry, yours?”

“Louis.”

They’ve made it to the end of the hallway now and are now descending down the first of 4 flights of stairs.

“Are you in this dorm?” Harry asks.

“Harry, I’m offended! I may not have known your name but I certainly knew we were in the same dorm! After all, who could ever mistake those curls.” Louis feigns a look of hurt.

And although Harry knows Louis’ joking, it dawns on him how drawn he was this whole month and he feels somewhat guilty for not reciprocating any of his dorm mates’ attempts at a friendship.

“Sorry! I’ve just really haven’t had much time for anyone…” Harry begins, unsure on where his sentence is leading him but his guilt is building and he feels the need to justify himself “…I’ve been really busy… I had a lot of family stuff going on.” And Harry can’t tell if it’s his nerves that make his tone sound ominous or whether he was just a good liar.

“Oh, so-“ Louis’ eyes full of sincerity, but Harry cuts him off.

“Don’t worry, it’s all g now.” Harry smiles.

“All g?” Louis repeats, his face scrunched in confusion. And Harry blushes as he realises he’s introduced Louis to a saying he only had ever shared with his family, knowing full well how bizarre it sounds to others.

“All good.” Harry explains through a nervous laugh.

“All g,” Louis repeats to himself, nodding in recognition, “I like it.”

And Harry can’t help but smile at Louis, because he thinks just maybe he has started to make a friend.

*

Harry’s hunch is correct, as he finds himself spending his afternoon with Louis on the campus grass, eating something from the university café. And later on Louis is inviting Harry to go out with him.

“My mates have a gig and I promised them I’d be there. Come along? They’re pretty good actually, even though I’d never admit that to them.”

“Sounds cool.” And so the two return to their dorm “to get ready” although Harry doesn’t quite understand what Louis means by that, yet he follows him nonetheless. Harry enters into his own room with the familiar feeling of satisfaction he had only ever felt through writing and he’s proud of himself. He changes his shirt (even though it was perfectly ok) because he suspects that’s what’s expected of him, grabs some extra cash just in case and awaits Louis in the hallway.

Harry’s suspicions were correct, because Louis exits his room, which is 3 doors up from Harry’s, in a completely different outfit.

“Looking good.” Harry says as Louis nears him.

“Well I try.” Louis feigns modesty, with a smirk placed on his face.

“You’re surely going to pick up.” Harry nudges Louis suggestively. And he’s unsure where this sudden confidence has come from, but Harry simply feels _comfortable_ with Louis and he likes that.

Louis huffs, “Nah, there are never my types of guys there.”

Harry doesn’t even react to Louis’s confession of his sexuality, being a person that simply never cared for it. “I’m sure we could find you someone, unless you’re already taken?”

“I’m single and ready to fucking mingle so maybe I’ll be a little less picky tonight.”

*

They arrive at a pub, where Harry pays for a ticket, after a five minute drive and go to the level above the bar to an area where local artists perform. There is no one performing when they get there and it’s almost 9:30, but the place is pretty full.

“Follow me.” Louis instructs Harry as he zigzags through the crowd, squeezing in between already dampened bodies to the middle of the crowd. “I at least want to be able to see them, after all the effort I went through.”

And so they stand in the middle of the crowd exchanging a couple of words because it was already loud and their shoulders were pressed up against one another with little room to move so facing one another and making conversation was near impossible.

“Is it always this full?” Harry questions Louis as he stands on his tiptoes peering at the stage to see if there’s any progress.

“Pretty much, they’re pretty popular. The girls love them.” He hears Louis say right before the crowd erupts into cheers because three guys have walked onto the stage. Harry also finds himself cheering as he watches the guys take their places on the stage. The blonde one at the drums, the brunette at the keyboards and the raven haired one at the front with an electric guitar.

“Hello, we are _Temperate_ , thanks for coming and this is one of original songs “Trophy Eyes”. Hope you enjoy the show and if you don’t know the words to any of the songs, well just fake it, no one will hear you anyway.” The lead singer smiles at the crowd before he starts strumming his guitar, signalling the start of the show.

And Harry’s smiling because he most certainly won’t know any of the words, heck he didn’t even know the band’s name until 10 seconds ago and he feels at ease because he was just given permission to fake the lyrics. So Harry does.

The atmosphere is great and Harry can’t believe that Louis had only described the band as “pretty good” because fuck, they were amazing. The crowd is loud and everyone’s swaying as if they were one body of mass and by the end of their second song Harry himself is damp. He turns to Louis and smiles widely, Louis smiles back before returning to belting out the rest of the song.

Harry finds that even though he’s faking majority of the lyrics, by the ends of the songs he’s gotten some of the chorus and wow he really likes this band!

 _Temperate_ are on the stage for 2 hours, some of the songs they perform are originals and some are covers and some of the time the lead singer was just talking. After the end of the show and once everyone starts to disperse, Louis drags Harry to the door that’s near the stage and whispers into the guards’ ear before they are let in, to where Harry can only guess to be backstage. It’s not any extravagant backstage; it’s simply a room, with a couple of chairs, two couches and a table of food. The room was originally filled with four bodies who all turn to the door as Louis enters, closely followed by Harry.

“Lou!” The blonde one beams at him.

“Niall!” Louis’ voice is just as loud as he leaves Harry’s side and embraces his friend in a hug. “Guys that show was great, one of your best!” Louis smiles as he separates from Niall.

“Thanks,” another of the guys speaks, Harry recognises him to be the lead singer, “Who’s your friend?” He asks as he gestures to the other body in the room, which everyone had seemed to not have paid any attention to. And shit, Harry has all eyes on him now and he has no idea what to do so he just stands awkwardly waiting for Louis to do something.

“Oh sorry. This is my friend Harry.” Louis introduces him and Harry steps forward because it seems that Louis isn’t going to step back. “Haz, this is Niall.”

The drummer smiles, “Hey.” And Harry smiles back.

“I’m Liam.” The brunette says not waiting for Louis’ introduction and Harry replies with a “Nice to meet you.”

“And that’s Zayn.” Louis says and Harry can’t look the lead singer in the eye because he’s glaring at him and he can feel the emotions of dislike being projected his way.

“And I’m Chris, but he no one gives a damn about me. I’m just the manager, no one important.” The fourth figure says and Harry is thankful because the awkwardness is lifted as everyone lets out a small laugh.

“Don’t worry about Zayn. He gets like that with new people.” Louis whispers to Harry before he engages in the conversation with the rest and Harry also joins, taking on board Louis’ advice and ignores any unfriendly looks from Zayn.

And as Harry begins to ease into comfortableness, he takes a moment to look at the three guys. Harry understands completely why they get female attention, because they are very good looking and how is it only dawning on Harry right now how good looking they all are?

Harry had always been a charmer, not many people got to experience his charismatic ways, but the few people he did socialise with were always captivated by him. Conversation flows very easily with everyone Harry finds, except for maybe Zayn who is cold at the best of times. It’s past midnight when Louis declares that they should head back, and they part with Harry saying it was lovely to meet them, and with another praise on how good the show was.

As the two are about to leave and walk out, Harry hears “See you around” come from the voice he heard least of all during their conversation, and Harry shudders because Zayn  
makes it sound like a promise.

When Harry enters his room, after parting with Louis and wishing him a goodnight, he finds a post-it note and writes. He scratches ambiguous and unfinished sentences about blue eyes, his throat tingling with rawness because of the amount he had shouted and also how he couldn’t believe such a warm voice could come from someone so cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh and the band is completely made up so yea :) x


	2. Short Dresses and Lingering Eyes

All of Harry’s senses are dulled as he wakes up from a deep sleep to the sound of his phone ringing next to him. He groans and lets the phone ring until he assumes the person hangs up or it reaches his voicemail. He tries to sink back into sleep but it’s proven an impossible task as his phone is ringing _again_.

Harry’s groans louder than before and fumbles for his phone not lifting his head from his pillow. An incoherent “hello” escapes his mouth as he answers not bothering to check who has disturbed him.

“Rise and shine babe.” The perky voice he had heard most of yesterday rang through his speakers.

“Louis I may or may not kill you when I see you next.” Harry threatens through a tired voice.

“Are you not awake!?” Louis’ tone shocked.

“It’s only,” Harry lifts his phone from his ear to check the time, and he’s left disappointed to see that it’s not as early as he had expected, “10 o’clock. But whatever you woke me up so I hate you right now.”

“Well you’re going to hate me even more because I’m waiting for you on the grass, for our scheduled run. Or have you forgotten my dear Hazza?” Louis chuckles.

A run? Harry doesn’t do runs. And why on earth would he have scheduled one as well?

“Did you forget how yesterday you said you needed to get your fitness level up after you practically passed out when we went down our stairs yesterday?” Louis reminds Harry, clearly understanding by the silence that Harry certainly has forgotten.

“Oh fuck, and then you offered to run with me because something about your arse getting too big.” Harry mumbles as his memory is cleared from sleep.

Louis only laughs at Harry before he says, “So are you coming or not? I can feel my arse getting bigger as we speak.”

“Give me 10 minutes.” Harry grunts before hanging up on Louis, not waiting for a response.

So Harry sluggishly rolls out of his bed, which is a struggle in itself and he _knows_ that this run will be difficult. After Harry pulls on any ‘old’ clothes he can find, rummages his closet for a pair of joggers (which he doesn’t find and just settles on wearing his white converse), giving his mouth a quick rinse and grabbing an apple, he heads out.

As Harry approaches Louis, he’s eaten the whole apple and tosses it into a nearby bin.

“Hasn’t anyone ever told you not to eat before you do any physical activity?” Louis smiles smugly at him.

“I’m still half a sleep, so don’t push it or I might accidently push you onto oncoming traffic.” Harry ignores Louis’ warning, because he guesses it’s just a silly old-wives-tale, plus it was _only_ an apple and that’s healthy. Surely it couldn’t do any harm.

“Ok princess,” Louis is still smiling, “ready?”

And Harry wants to say no, but with a groan he nods and they’re off.

They jog for what Harry guesses to be 5 minutes and hey, he actually feels _alright_ , like he can do this. But after another minute or so, Harry’s breaths get shallower and he can feel himself break out into a sweat. He glances to his left where Louis is and he seriously considers carrying out his earlier threat, because he doesn’t even look at all affected by the run and he can see the smug smile on his face.

Immediately Harry’s competitive side kicks in and he’s jogger faster, gaining a few metres on Louis before the bastard catches up to him, smug smile still in place. Then Harry’s running, despite his dripping sweat and heaving breaths because for reasons beyond his comprehension, in his physical state of mind he has to beat Louis.  And he is, for a glorious stretch of about 100 metres Harry is ahead of Louis. But then the unthinkable happens and a shooting pain sears through his stomach and Harry gasps at the sudden pain, halting his movements, arms hugging his stomach as he watches Louis pass him, but soon return to his side.

When Louis is back at his side he’s panting, “What’s wrong?”

“It,” Harry takes in a breath because woah he’s puffed out, “hurts.”

“What? You’re stomach?” Louis questions him. “Or under your ribs?”

And Harry can’t reply with words because he simply can’t catch his breath enough to respond. So he points to below his ribs, like Louis said making Louis laugh loudly.

Diggers are shot at Louis from Harry, only further amusing the older boy. “I told you that apple was going to come back and haunt you.” And Harry’s confused because after all it was only a god damn _apple_ , how could it be doing this to him!? “You’ve got a stich mate!”

By now Harry's gained enough of his breath to reply to Louis, “So I’m not dying?”

“Nope, you’re just a stubborn mother fucker.” Louis laughs, further vexing Harry. “Just put your hands on your head and try and stretch your core. We’ll take it easy ok? Don’t want princess hurting herself again.”

And Harry can’t tell what he’s angrier at, his body betraying him because of a fucking apple or that fact that Louis has called him ‘princess’ twice in about 10 minutes.

“Let’s head back, I think that’s enough physical activity for one day.” Louis suggests. If Harry weren’t so annoyed he would’ve suggested it was enough to last him for his whole university course, but he decides against it.

After a couple of minutes of stretching the way Louis had told him to, Harry’s feeling ok again.

“When you said you needed to get fit, you weren’t kidding.” Louis chuckles, as the two reach their campus.

“I’m glad that in my near death experience I could provide you with a source of entertainment.” Harry knows he’s exaggerating but he could’ve sworn he was about to die. What a cruel death it would’ve been, death by an apple. He snorts at the thought. “Why did I ever agree to this?”

“Now, now princess,” Louis laughs midsentence as Harry punches him lightly on the arm because he called him princess again, “your death wouldn’t have been any entertainment to me, you looked like you were about to fall on me and I wouldn’t want your dead body all over my new, pretty shoes.”

“Lou, your gay is showing.” Harry laughs at his friend.

“I know.” Louis smiles proudly. “But nonetheless, I would like to make it up to you because technically I did play a little part in your, as you call it, ‘near death experience.”

“You were the only part that played in it!!” Harry retorts.

“You say tomato, I say potato.” Louis shrugs. “So either, stop arguing or accepts my generous offer?”

“What is it that you have in mind?” Harry asks.

“If you live past going up these stairs I’ll let you know.”

And if Harry thought he was dying before, boy was he wrong. He’s certain that these stairs were designed by Satan himself simply to torment him. He survives the stairs (barely) and is feeling triumphant.

“So are you going to tell me?” Harry asks Louis as he approaches his dorm room.

“Nope. But be ready by 7:30, we’re going to go out.” Louis’ tone full of excitement, and he heads to his own room.

Harry’s grunts are loud as he slumps into his room, with one thought on his mind.

Shower.

*

“Just tell me where we’re going.” Harry practically begs Louis.

“Before I tell you, tell me do you have an early lecture tomorrow?”

Harry had a suspicion as to where they were going, first Louis insisted on taking a cab and now he’s asked him that. “You’re not taking me clubbing are you?”

“Clubbing? Pfft, no! I’m taking you to a house party.”

“Oh fucks sake.” Harry rolls his eyes, although truly not one ounce of him is annoyed.

“No! It’ll be fun and you’ll get to see the lads again. I didn’t even ask you, how did you find yesterday?” Louis asks, as it dawns on him they hadn’t spoken about the gig at all even on the way back from it.

“The gig was fucking amazing. And your mates were really nice.” Harry says truthfully (partly).

“Zayn wasn’t nice, you don’t have to bullshit me.” Louis chuckles.

“You said it, not me.”

“But seriously don’t worry about him. Like I said he gets like that with new people. He won’t really let you in until you’re shit faced and he can see you ‘true colours’.” Louis explains.

“You speaking from experience?” Harry questions his friend, who nods. “Is that what’s going to happen tonight?” his tone slightly worried.

“Most likely. But at least I’ll be there, I won’t let you do anything stupid.” Louis reassures him.

And Harry eases, because even though they’ve known each other for two days he knows he can trust Louis. There’s a beautiful honesty to Louis that Harry cannot seem to get enough of. Not to mention he’s really funny, and loud and extraverted and well Harry really likes Louis.

“Thanks mate.” For the rest of the drive the slip into a natural flowing conversation about ships (because Louis wonders how something like a piece of jewellery can sink and a massive cruise ship can’t), only stopping when they reach their destination.

The house had people scattered at the front; girls with dresses that were too short for them to be comfortable and with guys trying their best to keep their eyes from lingering too long. Music was being blasted and you could hear it from down the street. Harry smiled and felt himself become excited. He hadn’t been to a party in so long, and certainly not one like this.

He and Louis walked inside the house which was filled to the brim with dancing bodies, all with drinks in their hands and drunken words escaping their lips. Harry began to nod his head to the beat of the music, immediately accustoming to the party vibes. A hand snakes around his wrist and he glances at the person, relaxing when he sees that it’s Louis. The older boy is leading him to the back of the house, away from the dancing to where it is quite enough for you to again hear your own thoughts.

“The lads should be here.” Louis says once they’re outside as he begins to scan the backyard to find his friends.

Harry sees them first, huddled at the back all laughing. “They’re over there.” Harry indicates to the back.

Louis again is dragging him, still not having released his wrist even when they reach the three other guys.

“Hey!” Liam exclaims, glancing at Louis’ hand that’s around Harry’s wrist. Louis only then lets his hand lift off of Harry as he follows Liam’s gaze and flushes slightly. Harry’s confused at the action.

“Nice to see you again Harry.” Liam is the one to speak again.

Before Harry has the chance to say anything, Zayn asks “You’re not drinking?” Quirking his eyebrows.

At first Harry doesn’t respond because he’s startled at the fact that Zayn is speaking to him directly. He quickly recovers and remembers what Louis told him about only being accepted by Zayn when he manages to get you drunk. For an unknown reason Harry is desperate to be able to call Zayn his friend so he says, “You offering to get me one?”

An arrogant smile appears on Zayn’s face, as though he hadn’t expected Harry to be so willing. “Sure, why not.” Zayn begins to walk towards the house, stopping when he realises Harry isn’t coming, “You coming?”

“Ah, yeah, yeah.” Harry mumbles because he is actually astounded at how different Zayn is acting towards him.

“Be careful.” Louis whispers to him before he takes of behind Zayn.

*

Once they’re in the house’s kitchen Zayn looks at Harry. He concludes that Harry looks strangely out of place and also like he fits in completely. The idea intrigues Zayn immensely.

“What do you want?” Zayn yells at him.

“What?!” Harry asks, not able to hear him.

Zayn steps closer to Harry and shouts again, this time in Harry’s ear. “I said ‘what do you want’.” Harry’s slightly taller than Zayn so he had to press up on his toes.

Harry bends his head to reach Zayn’s ear and answers with a “Whatever you’re having.” Harry’s attempts at impressing Zayn, he feels, have succeeded because Zayn’s smiling at him approvingly.

For majority of the night, Harry is in Zayn’s company. They share a couple of drinks, and eventually they’re in the middle of the crowd of people dancing. Zayn’s singing along to the music and Harry begins to wish that it wasn’t so loud so he could be able to hear Zayn’s voice again.

“You’re a pretty cool guy, you know that?” Zayn’s says in Harry’s ear again, pressing his body against Harry’s.

“You’re not too bad yourself.” Harry replies, his tone a little cheekier than he had intended. Zayn moves his head back to face Harry, though he keeps their bodies pressed together.

“Yea, you reckon?” Zayn’s tone flirtatious. And even though he doesn’t speak into Harry’s ear, they are close enough to hear one another.

Harry’s heart races slightly. The fact that Zayn’s body is up against his own, swaying to the music and causing friction is becoming slightly overwhelming for the curly haired boy. And not to mention that Zayn may or may not be flirting with Harry adds another dimension to Harry’s failing heart. He only answers with a nod, not trusting himself to speak. Zayn moves his head closer and closer, to a point that is agonisingly close because Harry is completely unsure of what’s happening.  

“Harry!” He hears the familiar voice of Louis shout from somewhere close and Zayn steps back. A long breath comes out of Harry, one he was unaware that he was holding. Once Louis’ by his side he turns to where Zayn had previously been standing to see that other bodies had replaced him. He looks around the crowd, but he can’t see him anywhere. “Come outside yea?” Louis suggests. Again Harry nods because he is too baffled to speak.

Instead of going to the back of the house, the two escape to the front. “How was Zayn?” Louis questions him.

“Good, he’s really cool.” Harry finds his voice, just barely.

“Did he kiss you?” Louis questions again, amused look on his face.

“What?!” Harry practically shouts. 

“You heard me, did he?” Louis asks again, this time laughing.

“No.” Harry thinks that maybe if Louis hadn’t shown up when he did that maybe his answer to this question would be the complete opposite. “Is that what happened when he got you drunk?”

“Yep.” Louis answers taking a swig at the beer that’s in his hand.

Harry falls silent, unsure on how to absorb the new information. “Have you kissed him since?” Harry asks, wanting the answer to be “no” but he’s unsure on whether he’s jealous of Louis or of Zayn.

Thankfully, Louis does reply “No!” almost chocking on his drink. “Zayn’s a bit much.” He explains.

“What do you mean?”

“As in, he’s too much of a horny bastard and it’s a bit much too handle if you’re looking for a relationship.”

Harry suppresses his feelings of annoyance. _Of course he had to be a player_ , he thinks to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not entirely happy with how the chapter turned out and yea.  
> Thanks for reading x


	3. Jealousy's A Curse

It had been two weeks since they had first met and it astonished Harry how close he and Louis had grown. He had never met anyone like Louis before, no one who simply understood him on what seemed like all levels.

Maybe it was foolish of Harry to think that he knew everything about Louis, because in reality he didn’t know a lot at all. One thing Harry certainly didn’t know was that Louis and Chris, the boys’ manger, had something going on.

He realises it when they’re backstage after another gig. Chris is standing unbelievably close to Louis and his hand glides down Louis back, resting right on his bottom giving it a gentle squeeze. If Harry weren’t staring at Louis he would’ve missed the look of discomfort that was quickly covered by a small smile.

It’s the day after the gig, and neither Harry nor Louis have any classes that day, so they spend their morning in Harry’s dorm room, talking absolute nonsense. Harry is pushing away his desire to ask Louis about what he had seen the previous night; he’s unsure on how to approach him, not wanting to cross a line or seem possessive. After what he had seen, a surge of hurt had run through Harry, the first reason for it being that Louis hadn’t mentioned anything to him and also because he was strangely jealous. It was a peculiar feeling, he wasn’t jealous because he wanted to be with Louis, rather he didn’t like the idea of sharing his friend with anyone. It was immature and unjustifiable, but Harry couldn’t brush that feeling.

It’s slowly eating away at him as his curiosity grows; he keeps fidgeting and his responses to Louis are curt, which is unfair to his friend. Louis soon realises that there is something wrong with Harry and tries to find the source of the younger lad’s obvious discomfort. “Harry, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing’s wrong.”

Louis had a deadpan expression on his face, not even needing to speak before Harry breaks under his gaze and confesses what’s wrong with him. “How come you never told me about you and Chris?” Harry blurts out, gazing softly at Louis.

An expression of hurt mixed with annoyance and another emotion Harry can’t comprehend appears on Louis’ face.

“It never came up.”

“I asked you the first time I met you if you were single and you said yes?”

“It’s because I don’t consider him to be my partner.”

“I saw him grope your butt yesterday.” Harry admits making Louis blush with embarrassment. “I think I deserve an explanation of sorts.”

“It’s really a long story.” Louis’ tone incredibly saddened, and Harry feels guilty for prying into the issue. “But seeing as we’re both free today… I’ve known Liam since seventh grade and we had immediately become best friends. And I know we’re not talking about Liam, but this it’s just easier to start from the beginning, so bear with me. There wasn’t a day that would go past where Li and I wouldn’t see each other, and if we happened to not be able to see one another, we’d spend at least an hour on the phone that day. This was a regular occurrence throughout majority of our high school life, basically we were inseparable. I kind of had always known I was gay, so when I came out it wasn’t really a shock to anyone, but I had always been scared and Liam had helped me through it all. With the whole coming out thing, even though I had a lot of support there were still some dickheads who harassed me about it. And Liam, Li was always there and it just meant so much to me and I guess that’s when I finally admitted my feelings for Liam to myself.” Harry sees Louis’ cheeks darken to a shade of red.

“Then in our last year of school, Liam joins a band with Niall and Zayn who were from another school close by. I had never seen something mean so much to Liam and because I liked him so much all I ever wanted was to see him happy. I went with him shopping for new clothes because he wanted to look ‘cool’, I helped them when they were trying to find a name and when they were good enough to start giging, I went to every single show. Soon enough, all of us four became really close, but not near as close as Liam and I were. They started getting more popular and we were all 18, 17 at the time, completely unaware of how to handle it all. Liam’s dad suggested that the boys get a manager to help with all the organising and that. So they found one, but he was horrible and so was the guy after that. Then Liam was telling me about Chris, he was infamously known as one of the best managers in our area. Because he was so well known, it was very hard to get him to manage the boys. Liam was crushed.” Louis sighs, clearly remembering his friend’s pain. Harry edges closer to Louis placing his arm around the older boys’ shoulder.

“And I hated seeing him so upset and I felt so helpless and so annoyed at myself for not being able to make him happy. I went out one night because I was so upset and I had thought drinking would help. So I went to this bar, and that was the first time I had met Chris. I was fuelled by alcohol, stupidity and desperateness and I did the only thing I thought would help Li and the guys. For about two weeks I went out to meet him and I let him kiss me, call me ‘babe’ an do whatever he wanted really. Then I asked him to check out my friends’ band and he was more than willing to. That night, like every other night I let Chris do as he pleased, but this time I went all the way with him, for my first time.” All the while, Louis’ tone is expressionless, as if he is numb to the story and had long ago accepted he had basically sacrificed his virginity for his friend’s benefit.

“The lads were so happy when they got the phone call from him and Liam was smiling _so_ widely, it made my heart ache and I knew it had been worth it. Even though I was unhappy, it didn’t matter because it was all for Liam and finally I didn’t feel helpless and I felt like I was paying my friend back for all the years he had helped me with bullying, even though I was doing it in secret. So I give Chris what he wants and then he’ll be happy and in turn he’ll help out the boys a little more, finding them extra gigs and so forth. So I’m still with Chris and the boys are getting more successful and no one knows how I feel, you’re the only one I’ve told Haz.” Louis’ voice is low, and his usual happy smile is replaced by narrow, straight lips.

“You’re the only one and no one can find out. Please Harry, no one. You can’t say anything and especially not to Liam.” He pleads. “Li can’t know. Please Harry.”

“I promise to you I won’t. Tell me are you happy though?” He knows it’s a pointless question because Chris isn’t Liam and no matter what, Louis won’t be happy with him.

“He’s actually a good guy.” Louis speaks.

“He’s like 10 years older than you.” Harry adds, but Louis shrugs his shoulders indifferently, clearly not caring.

His connection to Louis only strengthens and he automatically feels a need to protect his friend and to keep him closer than before. He struggles to comprehend how selfless Louis is simply for a guy who is completely unaware of all the effort Louis has gone through. This trait of Louis’ only makes Harry’s feelings for his friend deepen.

Instantly Louis returns to his normal chirpy self, and Harry pushes away all negative thoughts not wanting to sadden his friend again. He hated the fact that he was able to bring that side out of Louis, he much preferred him to be happy, and so for the reminder of the day he doesn’t bring up the subject once more.

*

Soon Harry begins to understand why Louis described Zayn as a “bit much”, because the few times he has gone out with the four other lads, Zayn has hooked up with multiple people each of those times. Even though Harry knows that Zayn isn’t actually a good guy and he shouldn’t invest any emotions into him, he can’t help but think about the raven haired boy.

Occasionally he’ll lose focus in his lectures as he begins to daydream, images full of _Zayn, Zayn, Zayn_. He tries his hardest to stop but he simply can’t. Not to mention that ever time Harry has seen Zayn, Zayn has flirted with him uncontrollably and whenever the two are dancing, Zayn moves himself so close to Harry the basically could mesh into one.

Though (thankfully or unfortunately, Harry is still unsure), whenever the two had become close enough to kiss, Louis always seems to stop them. After all, he had promised to take care of Harry but now Harry’s unsure if he still wants him too.

*

They’re at a club with the lights flashing, music blaring and fluoro paint sprawled across dancing bodies. Harry finds himself alone with Zayn, surrounded by other bodies. He smiles fondly at the older boy whenever he glances away from him and he allows himself a brief moment to truly appreciate Zayn and all his beauty. Zayn turns back to Harry soon enough and immediately he averts his green eyes away.

“Come with me.” Zayn’s velvety voice speaks into Harry’s ear as he intertwines their hands together and leads Harry away from the dance floor to an area where people are applying body paint. Zayn dabs his index finger into a pot of bright green paint and steps closer to Harry as he draws a spiral on his right cheek. Harry can feel his eyes shutter at Zayn’s touch and a tingling sensation rushing through his body. Once Zayn’s fingers leave Harry’s cheek, Harry is the one applying paint to Zayn’s body.

His thumb is covered in yellow paint and Zayn’s staring at him, eyes burning with lust and Harry’s frozen for a second. His hand lifts towards Zayn’s face but instead of drawing on Zayn’s cheeks like he had initially intended, he finds his thumb delicately brushing over the lips he had too often imagined himself kissing. The older boy, grabs Harry’s wrist and immediately Harry begins to panic at the thought of ruining whatever they had. But then Zayn is coxing soft kisses on Harry’s painted thumb and soon enough, his lips reach Harry’s left cheek.  A few kisses are placed on his cheek and Harry knows it’ll be decorated with the yellow prints of Zayn’s full lips.

His stomach is churning and he’s nervous and excited and he’s holding back a moan because Zayn is so close to kissing him and he’s never wanted anything more in his life. Zayn’s grip on Harry’s wrist has moved to again intertwine their fingers together. He finds himself pouting his lips in anticipation of Zayn’s kisses but it left so agonisingly disappointed when he’s being pulled away by a firm hand that’s gripped his shoulder.

He turns his head to look at the source of causing his frustration and he almost wants to yell because it’s Louis. Harry turns back to Zayn and in that second, he finds a new interpretation for the term _“If looks could kill”_ because Zayn is shooting daggers at Louis, his lips snarled in annoyance.

“Fuck off aye!” Zayn sneers.

“Calm your fucking mammeries.” And Harry wants to laugh because of course Louis would make a joke at a time where he may possible have his head bitten off. “I just wanted to get some paint as well.”

Zayn flings Harry’s arm from his hold and storms off. He says nothing as he stands their idiotically gazing after Zayn. He only breaks his gaze when Louis asks him, “You alright?” But still Harry doesn’t reply.

When Harry’s at the bar with Louis and Niall, listening to them speak he spots Zayn on the dance floor with Liam. Jealousy runs through him as he watches the two dancing, and he feels annoyed at himself since he and Zayn are technically nothing more than friends. Louis follows Harry’s stare when he realises the younger lad stops responding, his fists clenching in anger.

“Lou.” Harry starts, knowing the sight was affecting the feather haired boy more than himself. There’s no response and soon enough Harry realises Zayn and Louis have locked cold, angry gazes. Zayn turns his back towards Liam and grabs Liam’s arms to wrap around his waist as he slowly grinds into the brown haired boy all the while still glaring at Louis. At this scene, Louis rushes from the bar towards the exit, and Harry follows him, desperately worried for his friend.

The cool breeze strikes Harry’s skin but he ignores his body’s protests to return to the warmth of the club and continues to chase after Louis.

“Lou!” He calls out, to which his friend stops. One he reaches his side, Harry sees his blue eyes welled up with tears. “Hey, hey, hey.” He says before he pulls the older boy into an embrace.

The door of the club roughly opens from behind them and loud, heavy footsteps are coming towards their way. “Harry!” And Harry hates himself for it, but he turns to the familiar voice of Zayn and let’s his hold of Louis release.

“Fuck off Zayn!” Louis growls.

“Why should I?” Zayn fires back.

Harry’s torn. He’s in the middle of the two angry guys, both driven by anger and alcohol and he’s completely wavering.

“You know-.” Louis starts, but stops himself as he realises his spoken to know about his feelings for Liam besides Harry.

“I don’t, why don’t you tell me?” Zayn spurs him on, tone lacing with cruelty knowing full well Louis would never admit the reason for his anger. It occurs to Harry that everyone is seemingly aware of Louis’ feelings for Liam, what with his lingering loved-up eyes and his complete devotedness, but Liam appears to be the only person unaware of it all.

“Nothing, it’s nothing.” Louis speaks through tight lips.

“Haz, you going to come back in?” Zayn’s glare that was directed at Louis fades away instantly as he turns to the curly haired boy.

“I, I, I-“ Harry stammers because he has never felt so conflicted in his life. He can’t make the decision and Zayn senses that.

“If you do, I’ll be by the bar.” He informs him before returning to walk back into the club.

A sigh of relief passes through Harry’s lips for the fact that he didn’t have to make the choice, but his relief is soon melted away as he turns to Louis, eyes still full of tears.

“Lou.” Harry whispers before he hugs the smaller boy, wrapping his arms wholly around him because he’s widely aware that Louis is struggling to hold back his tears. Once Louis is huddled into the tight embrace he lets his tears fall, drenching Harry’s thin shirt. “Shhh, it’s alright.” Harry comforts him, he’s not entirely sure what to say.

Louis collects himself and lifts his head off of Harry’s chest, but Harry doesn’t remove his arms from around him, fearing his friend would fall if he did. Louis tilts his head and simply gazes at Harry, emotions of anger, hurt and jealousy searing through him. In that moment of deliriousness and emotional exhaustion, Louis’ senses are justifiably jumbled which is how he explains to himself later why he pushes himself up on his tiptoes and places a kiss on Harry’s lips.

Shock passes through Harry at the action and he removes his arms from around Louis and parts their lips.

“I’m sorry.” Louis chocks out, clearly mortified at what he had done as new tears spring out of his still dampened eyes while covering his face with his hands. “I’m so sorry.”

“No, don’t be.” Harry simply says because he understands it wasn’t anything significant, it was simply a desperate act for comfort which Harry was the one to endure.

“It’s just that I’m, I’m.” And Louis is struggling to find any appropriate words because he still isn’t accustomed to openly speaking about his feelings for Liam.

“I know.” Harry eases his friend. He hugs him once more, knowing now Louis just needs to be tendered and cared for.

“And I’m sorry I keep cock blocking you and Zayn.” Louis says. The two stand there for a little while longer until Louis has calmed down and recomposed himself. “I’m ok now.” Louis assures Harry. “Now go, Zayn’ll be waiting for you and it’s easy to see you want him.”

Harry doesn’t understand why he’s so relieved. He never needed Louis’ permission per say, but the encouragement and reassurance from his close friends makes Harry smile and his insides flutter with nerves.

So he does as his friend suggests and goes back to find Zayn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise there will be more zarry in the next chapter. I'm actually dying to write more zarry stuff haha  
> thanks for reading :)


	4. Part Time Rock Star

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for Zarryyyyyyyyyyyy :)

The warmth of the club is openly welcomed by Harry as he beelines his way to the bar where Zayn had said to meet him. He can practically hear his heart beating over the deafening music as he nears him. This is a reoccurring symptom whenever Harry knows he’s going to see Zayn, and despite his best efforts he’s always riddled with nerves.

As promised, Zayn is at the bar, with the added bonus of a blonde bombshell attached to his side, hand caressing his thigh desperate to get a reaction out of Zayn. He half-heartedly returns flirtatious remarks, all the while his eyes casually roaming the club seemingly disinterested.

Fury surges through Harry as he approaches Zayn and he makes this evident with an abrupt cough and eyebrows quirked in annoyance. Immediately Zayn is rejuvenated with interest and he creates a pathetic excuse to separate himself from the blonde woman. With an over dramatic scoff and an even overly dramatic hair flick, she trots off, leaving the two boys at the bar.

Even though Harry’s aware of this extremely flirtatious side of Zayn he is completely disappointed and insanely jealous, combined with pure anger.

“You came back.” Zayn smiles at him tone lacing with arrogance as he extends his hand and intertwines their fingers together. Zayn’s sitting on a bar stool, with Harry standing in front of him.

Harry looks at their linked hands momentarily diminishing his anger before he shoots “Zayn what are you?”

“What do you mean?” Zayn’s faced shaped in puzzlement.

“As in are you straight or gay or what because you’re really fucking hard to read. You tell me to come meet you here and I see you chatting up some blonde bitch and I don’t know what to make of that. So just fucking shed some light on this situation.” And Harry’s just blurting out the things that had been consuming his every thought but had never had the courage to outwardly say, but his anger and hurt seemingly providing him with the right stimulation.

A sigh escapes from Zayn, as though he was expecting this question. “I don’t know. I don’t entirely believe in sexuality y’know? I’m attracted to whoever catches my fancy. Be it you or that ‘blonde bitch’ like you so delicately put it. It’s just the way I’ve always been. I used to be caught up with all the labels and it used to freak me out that I was seemingly attracted to so many people and I thought I was a freak. But then I let go of all the labels and this is just the way I am.”

Before a moment’s thought Harry launches himself forward, his lips colliding with Zayn’s. The kiss is extremely too passionate for a first but Harry simply cannot confine his burning desire for Zayn any longer. He’d just told him he was attracted to him and somehow Zayn had perfectly described how Harry felt. Harry had always been looking for the exact way to describe his sexual preferences and had never fully been able to, and Zayn, he had said it perfectly.

The kiss is full of longing and desperateness, all clashing teeth and tongue and slowly Harry is losing his breath but he refuses to back away from Zayn. Harry’s hands are firmly placed on either side of Zayn’s face, while Zayn’s are entangled in Harry’s hair, pulling him in closer and closer. Harry’s pressed up against Zayn now, in between his thighs as Zayn slumps backwards slightly and leans his back against the bar for the extra support.

For a while both of them are fighting for dominance and the kiss is completely heated; though slowly Zayn lets Harry take charge. Harry’s tongue is sliding through Zayn’s mouth and his head is spinning because he is utterly lost in the moment and all his senses are on fire. He can taste Zayn on his lips, the bitterness of the beer he was drinking, he can smell the nicotine from the cigarettes Zayn smokes and his fingers are tingling from brushing against Zayn’s stubble.

He finally gives into his urge to take breath and both part gasping for breath. Harry looks at Zayn, all flustered, lips swollen from Harry sucking and biting them needily. The look of sheer lust and desperation in Zayn’s eyes only makes the burning in Harry intensify and he presses his lips to Zayn’s again.

Zayn’s hands are clambering all over Harry’s back trying to grasp onto him somehow for support because with every passing second he can feel himself weaken. Being in his position, Harry simply has the upper hand so with his hands he tilts Zayn’s head up and attacks his now exposed neck with kisses. The moans escaping from Zayn only make Harry grow needier. He is totally captivated by Zayn and Zayn alone and he forgets his surroundings and the onlookers and begins to nibble and suck on Zayn’s collarbone making the blood rise.

Zayn gives up on holding onto Harry’s back as he throws his head back in pleasure letting out a loud moan. His hands are behind him, firmly on the bar holding him up as he keeps arching forward into Harry. Zayn’s breath is shallow and Harry can feel the rise and fall of Zayn’s chest as he continues to leave marks all over his neck.

He pulls himself away from Zayn and once again stares at him. His hair is messy, his chest still rising and falling at a rapid pace and the love bites are prominent on his neck. The body paint that Harry had applied on Zayn’s lips earlier is smeared. To Harry, this is the best he’s seen Zayn ever look; the fact that _he_ did this to Zayn makes his insides squirm with pure hunger.

“You’re really hot when you’re smug.” Zayn steps off the stool and purrs seductively into Harry’s ear; before pulling away Zayn nibbles on Harry’s earlobe.

And Harry knows, the dominance and control he had just consumed is long gone and he’s lost again to Zayn.

*

It’s not entirely a shock that Zayn and Harry become somewhat of pair. But what is shocking, is their undying reliability and longing for one another. There isn’t a time when the two aren’t seen together, their bodies pressed as though they simply couldn’t function without the touch. If it wasn’t for Harry attending university, there would be a high chance that the two would be together always.

It’s fair to say it worries Louis; worries would be an understatement because really did he ever get to see Harry anymore? What’s most concerning to Louis though is Harry has simply become the personification of persuasion. Harry holds Zayn in such awe; it seems he would do anything for him. The lengths to which Harry would go to do something only because Zayn said so are uncharted.

Although, what is most difficult to believe is how much Harry has impacted _Zayn._ It could’ve been predicted that Harry would act like he is, but Zayn, who had always been so wild and so strongly independent has suddenly become entirely captivated by Harry.

His eyes are always gazing at him softly as if he were the world. And the twinkle that appear in Zayn’s eye whenever he makes Harry laugh is simply agonisingly beautiful to his friends who had _never_ seen him like this before. He’s basically smitten over Harry and it has astonished his friends and all who know him.

Though the sweetness and tenderness isn’t all they’re relationship is made up of. It’s widely known that behind closed doors, in the intimacy of Harry’s dorm room or Zayn’s apartment, the two are savagely sexual; if the love bits are anything to go by.

*

The two are cooped up in Zayn’s bed, naked bodies covered by the duvet as they sit face to face, knees touching.

“So wait, you’re saying you’ve never seen ‘Rokcy’?” Harry asks dumbfounded to which Zayn only nods. “But how can you not have seen ‘Rocky’?! That’s like saying you haven’t seen, ugh, I don’t know but I don’t get how you haven’t seen it!?”

“I don’t know babe,” Zayn muffles through a laugh, “is it really that good?”

“It’s ‘Rocky’ how do you even ask if it’s good. For Christ’s sake, “Eye Of The Tiger” is the theme song, of course it’s good.”

“Mhhm,” Zayn sounds as he bends forward brushing his lips against Harry’s, “I see.”

“You do?” Harry mumbles, his assertive tone escapes him as Zayn continues to kiss him.

“Of course.” Zayn says as he starts to push Harry backwards. When Harry’s head is on the pillow and Zayn is hovering above him, pressing kisses on his pink lips, the sound of message tone jingles through the room, making Zayn groan with frustration. He moves off the bed and walks butt naked through his bedroom in search of his phone.

“It’s work.” He grunts out. “They want me in, in an hour.”

“There’s plenty we can do in an hour.” Harry’s tone shy.

And that’s all that it takes for Zayn to crawl on all fours to where Harry is and attack him with kisses. Zayn’s delicateness is always replaced by sheer lust and passion when he’s in bed. Zayn slides himself in between Harry’s thighs and slowly grinds down onto him, their bare cocks brushing against one another as he places kiss along Harry’s jaw.

Slowly his lips begin to travel over Harry’s neck, across his chest and down his long torso while Zayn’s hands are holding Harry’s hips. With every kiss Harry would arch upwards, desperate for friction and Zayn is hovering right above his semi-hard penis, blowing softly onto it.

“Zayn.” Harry’s voice hitches because he's desperate for Zayn, desperate for his touch. “Please.” With that Zayn takes Harry wholly in his mouth making the younger boy moan loudly with pleasure. Harry can hardly supress his moans of delight as Zayn continues to suck, lick and stroke his penis.

It’s not long before Harry reaches his climax with a loud yell coming from him. He’s left panting and a feeling of tiredness washes over him. Zayn moves up and lays next to Harry face to face turning his fingers through Harry’s curls as Harry’s eyes are closed, recovering from his orgasm.

“Zayn?” Harry speaks eyes still shut.

“Mhhm?” Zayn sounds. Harry opens his eyes now and his hand begins to trace along Zayn’s chest.

“Why’d you come up here?” He asks, eyes not gazing up from Zayn’s chest.

“Because the other lads came here.” He answers.

“Why didn’t you go to university?” Harry questions again, eyes still concentrated on Zayn’s flawless chest.

A chuckle escapes from Zayn, making Harry avert his eyes up immediately to look at him. “I came up here to pursue music and that’s it. I’m a rock star.” Zayn winks.

Harry muffles a laugh, “And a part time pizza boy.”

“Shut up.” Zayn silences him with a kiss. “Now I have to get ready.” Zayn informs him while collecting his work uniform.

“Don’t want you missing out on delivering a pizza.” Harry jokes before Zayn glares at him. “I’m sorry,” he chocks through a laugh. “But on a serious, non-pizza note, do you want me to leave now or?”

“No, I want you to stay for when I come back, please?” Zayn asks, his delicateness returning.

“Sure. Now get dressed and bring back a pizza with you.” Harry orders.

Once Zayn leaves Harry is left with his thoughts and a blissful smile on his face. When he’s in the shower cleaning himself off both his and Zayn’s sperm does Harry delve deeply into his thoughts. He thinks about how Zayn was practically his first lover and even though he tries his hardest to supress the idea, he thinks about how quickly he’d lost his virginity.

Not that he regretted it, because he most certainly didn’t. It had nothing to do with Zayn, it was more Harry. He just wished that he had waited a little longer, been a “little more assertive” like Louis always tells him to be. But thing is, when Harry’s with Zayn, his sense is completely lost and he’s so caught up in the moment and in Zayn he simply can’t process the idea of ever saying no.

He fumbles out of the shower, towel wrapped around his hips and begins to sort out Zayn’s bedroom, knowing full well Zayn would never do it himself. When the room is tidied, Harry checks his phone to see he has messages all from Louis.

He makes a mental note to call Louis after he’s had something to eat and punches in a quick text.

_To: Zayn <3_

_I like extra pineapples on my pizza.xx_


	5. Writing, Scribble and Love

It gets like this sometimes. Louis’ had a little too much to drink after a night out with Chris and he trudges through the dormitory, feet dragging, head hung low.

But instead of heading back to his own room, he pounds on Harry’s door, disregarding the time and the fact that Harry is most likely sleeping.

The first time it happened, Harry just sat Louis down and made him drink water as an attempt to flush the alcohol out. It wasn’t bad the first time, Louis didn’t even speak. He was simply still and let Harry take care of him. After an hours’ worth of taking care of Louis, Harry leads him to his room, wishes him a goodnight and then proceeds to close his door.

The second time is a little worse. This time, Louis is speaking.

“He looked so gorgeous today.” Louis slurs his whining over how apparently gorgeous Liam looked.

Louis continues to blurt out drunken compliments about Liam, all to which Harry nods. He’s vastly more affectionate the second time he winds up at Harry’s place, hands caressing Harry, trying to snuggle into him. Harry complies after losing his struggle to pry Lou off of him.

“He was wearing maroon today, it made his tan heaps darker and he looked really, really great.” Louis speaks as he’s curled into Harry’s side while the two were sat on Harry’s bed.

It seems Louis had years’ worth of pent up compliments for Liam that he had never been able to say or share with anyone, and now he releases them onto Harry’s willing ears. Not that Harry minds, because he hardly gets to see Louis anymore and he wants to help his close friend as much as possible. Though Louis usually just speaks for the sake of speaking, he doesn’t even necessarily want Harry to listen, just wants to be able to say the words before the weight of them suffocates him.

So he lets Louis ramble, and provides him with tender comfort because it eases Louis and by the end of his rant, they’re both spent and most of the time the end up asleep on Harry’s bed.

Once they’re up late at night and Louis goes on a bit of a tangent, while collapsed on Harry’s bed. Harry sits at his messy desk, pulls out a paper and writes about Louis. Well not Louis directly, but about how a person is good at hiding pain; how unless that person chooses to let you in, you actually don’t know a person at all. And then Harry feels humbled and happy that Louis chose him to trust and to confine in. He writes until he fills a page, with the sound of Louis’ voice as his inspiration.

*

Harry reaches for Zayn's electric guitar and edges forward on the couch so he can rest it on his legs to strum it. The guitar isn't plugged into the amplifier, making his strums barely audible. Zayn moves from next to Harry to crouching in front of him, and he stares at Harry for a while, lips upturned just slightly. 

"What?" Harry asks through a nervous laughter. 

To which Zayn replies, "Nothing. Do you want me to teach you?" He asks voice soft. Harry simply nods. He sees Zayn's hands reach for his and takes in a breath when Zayn's hands are now guiding his. 

"This is the g chord." Zayn explains as he rearranges Harry's fingers on the neck of the guitar, "and now this is the c chord. Give it a strum." So Harry does. "Ok look at your hand for a second and then I want you to do it without looking." Zayn's voice is still soft, soothing, encouraging. 

"Ok." Harry's voice is weak and even with the small word he feels his voice shake. This feels so intimate; it’s an introduction into a part of Zayn’s life that is so immensely dear to him and Harry is taken aback by it all and the fact that Zayn’s comfortable to allow Harry to explore his music. He does as Zayn tells him and tries his hardest to keep from looking at his fingers as he alternates between the two chords Zayn had just taught him. 

"Good." Zayn smiles at Harry while he's still staring at him. "Do you want me to teach you an actual song?"

"Well I'm an expert at the g and c string so I think I'm ready." Harry jokes. 

"Chords." Zayn corrects him through a laugh, which only causes Harry to look confused. "Don't worry; you're already confused before we've even started. How about 'You Belong With Me'?" 

"As in the Taylor Swift song?" Harry's more confused now. 

"Yea." Zayn replies sheepishly. 

"Ok." Harry complies; he misses Zayn's fingers on his. So he teaches him the chorus first and Harry is _actually_ getting it. He can hear Zayn hum along and Harry is simply overjoyed at the fact that he's making music for Zayn to sing to. 

"That's great babe." Zayn congratulations him once he's concurred the chorus, making Harry immediately blush to which Zayn brushes his fingers across his cheek. 

"Want to tell me why you know a Taylor Swift song?" Harry asks while Zayn's hand is still on his face. 

"Three sisters." Zayn replies. 

"Yea Gemma never liked Taylor Swift, well she is older than your sisters so maybe that’s why?" Harry says through a soft laugh. Zayn starts lifting the guitar from Harry, placing it down and gestures to Harry for him to lie down on the couch. Again Harry complies, and soon Zayn has managed to place his legs on both of Harry's side and his bent down close, their faces inches apart. Harry suspects a kiss but is left startled when he hears Zayn speak instead. 

"Tell me more." Zayn simply request. 

"About my sister?" And Harry wants to laugh because they are in such an intimate position the last thing Harry want to do is talk about his _sister_. 

"No, your life, tell me more about it." Zayn's voice is still sweet and he is now playing with Harry's hair, twirling in his hands. Harry feels a tingle rush through him as Zayn's hand brushes lightly against his neck. 

"I have a cat," and Harry pauses to take in a breath because Zayn's hand are out of his hair and sliding across his jaw. "And I don't like olives." Harry shudders at the feel of Zayn's lips grazing down his neck. As Zayn moves his hands across his chest and begins to nibble on the skin of Harry's neck, Harry feels himself become flustered and basically starts rambling and blurting out random facts about himself. "I like the band 'Brand New' and my step dad has a bungalow with a pool. I really like reading and Chris Martin is one of my idols." Harry's arching his hips up now, desperate for friction as Zayn continues to torment him with delicate kisses. 

"Tell me more." Zayn purrs, knowing full well the affect he is having on Harry. 

"I love LA, I went there two years ago; I had the most amazing burger of my life there and, and," he pauses because he just wants Zayn's lips on his. Harry pulls Zayn towards his lips and kisses him while he continues mumbling things about himself. He can feel a smirk on Zayn's lips as though he’s enjoying making Harry so obviously flustered. "And I write. Like a lot."

“You write?” Zayn asks as he sits up. Harry moans at the weight of Zayn on his groin, not because Zayn’s heavy, (heck he can carry Zayn), but because the pressure only pleasures Harry.

“Ah… yea.” Harry says slightly embarrassed. He hadn’t meant to admit that about himself it’s just that he wasn’t exactly thinking straight and it sort of slipped out.

“Have you written about me?” Zayn smiles, still sitting on Harry.

And Harry doesn’t want to answer him, he wasn’t even supposed to mention that he writes he’s not going to go ahead and tell Zayn that he’s written about him. He’s unsure on how Zayn would take it, and he sure as hell isn’t going to risk creeping Zayn out. So he’s stuck beneath Zayn, face frozen, mind racing with a hundred thoughts on how to get himself out of this situation but he can’t think of anything.

Zayn senses Harry’s panic and smiles softly at him again before he’s lifting himself off of Harry. “Come with me.” He extends his hand to the younger boy who’s still unmoving on the couch. Though Harry doesn’t need to be told twice, he grabs hold of Zayn’s hand and lets him lead him to his bedroom.

“I write too y’know.” Zayn simply says when they’re inside the bedroom and he’s seated Harry on the bed. He rummages through his side dresser for a while before pulling out a note book. He hands the book to Harry and sits beside him. “Have a look.” Zayn permits Harry.

So Harry starts to flick through it, pages tattered and torn, conveying that it is in fact an old book. Zayn’s handwriting covers the pages in what looks to be lyrics. At realising this Harry speaks out, “Are these lyrics?”

“Yup.” Zayn smiles again.

“Your lyrics?” Harry asks again even though the answer is obvious, he needs the confirmation.

“Sure are.”

Harry can’t lift his eyes from the pages of writing, scribble and the occasional doodles because this is Zayn in his highs and his lows all presented to Harry. He simply can’t fathom the fact that Zayn so willingly allowed him into something as precious and sincere as his lyrics. He scans the lines, fully aware of Zayn’s eyes on him.

“They’re amazing.” He tries to speak loudly but his voice comes out in a whisper. He begins to search for one of the songs he’s heard the boys perform because he’s aware that they perform original songs but there’s none in there. “Where are the ones you perform?”

“Ahhhh, those ones are the _Temperate_ ’s songs, the ones we write as a band. These ones, these are mine.”

Harry gapes up at Zayn eyes widened in surprise and he’s certainly close to suffering from whiplash at how fast he tilts his head up to look at him. He’s simply astounded at the fact that Zayn’s letting him enter and delve into his ever passion; Harry’s overcome with emotions and feelings of pure appreciation because Zayn trusts him. Zayn’s still smiling, though his smile is slightly wavering as though he’s uncertain on whether Harry will approve, judge or condescend him. Harry’s fully aware at how nerve wracking it is to allow someone to read your writing and he wants Zayn to realise that he’s a brilliant songwriter.

He leans forward and closes the gap between their lips. “You’re an amazing writer.” He says while their lips are still pressed together. “And yes, I’ve written about you.” He kisses him deeper now. “So many times.” He’s brushed away his previous insecurity about his writing, because if Zayn can trust Harry, then Harry most certainly trusts him too. “I wrote about you after the first time I met you.” He admits, his lips off of Zayn’s now, though their faces still close. His heart is beating at an above average rate; though the caring look in Zayn’s gorgeous eyes eases his nerves.

Zayn’s the one that leans forward now and brushes his lips lightly against Harry’s, “That means a lot.”

“I’ll have to show you one time.”

“You sure? You seemed a little worried before.” Zayn’s tone is light and understanding, obviously not wanting to push Harry into something he might not be entirely ready to do.

“I’m sure.” Despite Harry’s nerves, his tone is assertive.

“Flick to the last page of writing.” Zayn tells him. When Harry’s thumbed through majority of the pages and is nearing the end, Zayn continues to speak, “It’s a song, about you.”

Shock and sheer humbleness surges through Harry and he cannot supress the smile that appears on his face.

“It’s a work in progress; I’m struggling on what to write. You’re far too intriguing.”

A comfortable silence falls over the room as Harry reads the lyrics on the page where at the very top “Harry’s” is written.

_I love your our dimpled smile and those gleaming eyes,_

_Also the way your pizza has too many pineapples for my desire._

When Harry finishes reading the couple more lines he’s left speechless. He’s fully aware of the thought that Zayn’s putting into this all for _him_. His insides are bubbling with pure affection and lovefor Zayn and he speaks the first things that come to mind. “I love you.” His voice full of certainty as he gazes into Zayn’s eyes. Harry’s certain he’s never been more scared in his whole life than he was right now. He’s laid his heart on the line and he’s practically petrified from the passing seconds of silence. He can see a tremor of shock in Zayn’s eyes which is quickly replaced by joy. Harry’s close to taking back what he said, to apologies and tell Zayn to forget it but Zayn’s kissing him again.

Zayn pulls back, his hands placed on either side of Harry’s face and he’s looking at his eyes directly, “I love you too.”

Feelings of both pure bliss and relief wash over Harry. He can sense his eyes batting rapidly and a heat rise to his cheeks.

They’re kissing again but this kiss is different to the many they’ve exchanged before. This time, Harry can _feel_ the love. As though their confession has made everything they do so much more passionate and so much more meaningful.

Harry’s super aware of everything that is happening within this moment. How Zayn’s cool hands help to lessen the blush on Harry’s cheeks. How his heart is flattering softly and his whole body feels insanely relaxed and simply euphoric.

The kiss is delicate and each boy is attentive on satisfying the needs of the other, rather than concentrating on themselves. It practically personifies their love; their love is new and fragile, needing to be handled with delicateness. And with the confession of their love comes new emotions where each of the boys’ focus is simply placed on their lover and their lover’s needs and wants rather than their own.

For the rest of the day, the two ignore everything and concentrate on one another. A couple more “I love you” are exchanged from both sides simply because the two enjoy the feeling of saying it and watching the receiver of said “I love you” smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck yea for zarry  
> Thanks for reading, feedback is much appreciated :) x


	6. Hi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going back to school this week so I won't be updating very frequently, so yea.   
> Thanks for reading :)

Harry had always been fascinated by Zayn’s tattoos, always lightly tracing them whenever Zayn lay shirtless next to him. Zayn’s extensive tattoos made the few tattoos Harry had look jocular.

Harry woke up, on what he in his sleep fogged mind assumed was a Sunday in Zayn’s bed, shirtless. He turned to his left, where Zayn had fallen asleep on his extended arm; though Zayn was no longer in the bed. On his outstretched arm, close to where his star tattoo was, Harry saw an unfamiliar black mark. He rubbed his eyes to rid himself of sleep and peered, at what he had previously presumed to be a mark, closer. It wasn’t a mark, in fact it was the word ‘Hi’ written in black marker in Zayn’s familiar writing.

Harry trudged through the small apartment to where the smell of Zayn’s burning cigarette was billowing throughout it. Zayn’s elbows are rested on the frame of the window, and his cigarette is dangling on his lips as his head is leaned out into the cool air. He walked up behind Zayn and encircled his arms around the bronze skinned boy’s waist, causing him to jump in startle. “Morning babe.” Harry said placing a kiss to the back of Zayn’s neck.

“You scared me.” Zayn laughed still continuing to inhale the smoke. Harry rested his head on Zayn’s shoulder and slowly started to sway both of their bodies, causing Zayn to smile in delight.

“Zee, I want to go get a tattoo today…” Harry began.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah… and seeing as you don’t have work and I don’t have classes or any work today…” He trailed off.

“Is this your way of asking me to go with you?” Zayn laughed.

“Maybe?” Harry spoke sheepishly.

“A date to a tattoo parlour sounds fucking fabulous. Harry Styles, you’re certainly a charmer.”

*

“Can you tell me what you’re getting?” Zayn questioned Harry as they waited for Harry’s turn in the tattoo parlour.

“I’m not sure yet.” Harry lied, he knew exactly what he wanted

“Oh so this is spontaneous, I like this Harry.”

“Well do you know what you’re getting?” Harry inquired.

“No clue.” Zayn laughed.

“Ok, you two come in.” The large tattoo artist ordered them before he turned around and walked back to his seat. When Harry was seated on the chair, the man asked him what he wanted.

Harry rolled the sleeve of his top up exposing the now fading ‘Hi’ and simply said, “This.” While he grinned widely at Zayn.

“I love you.” Zayn mouthed from behind the tattoo artist.

After Harry’s tattoo was complete, the two stood and admired it; Harry was extremely pleased and simply couldn’t wipe the smile off of his face.

“I know what I’m getting.” Zayn smiled fondly at Harry before placing a soft kiss on his lips and taking his turn on the chair. “I want a heart over this please.” Zayn informed the tattoo artist as he slipped off his shirt and pointed at the “born lucky” Chinese symbol.

And it seemed that Zayn wasn’t at all embarrassed by the questioning look the tattoo artist gave him. The man shrugged his shoulders and began the process of tattooing over the pre-existing tattoo.

Harry was peering over the tattoo artist, who they found out was called Brad as the two boys feel into an easy conversation with him. Despite his size and general scary demeanour with the beard and the skull headed tattoos, Brad was terribly agreeable.

“Brad?” Harry started, which earned him a “mhmm” from Brad as a sign to continue, “Do you reckon you’d have time to do another tattoo on me?”

Brad let out a laugh, it wasn’t a mean laugh rather one that suggested he knew exactly what tattoo Harry wanted. “Yes, I’ll tattoo you a heart too.” Brad continued to laugh, Zayn and Harry joined in though Harry’s laugh was more of an attempt to cover his embarrassment at being so bluntly obvious and in love.

*

“Aww you and lover boy are so full of it.” Louis laughed as Harry showed off his new tattoos and explained their stories.

“Fuck off.” Harry laughed along with him.

“But nah, on a serious note you’re both lucky to have someone that’s so disgustingly in love with you.” And Harry accepted it, because he knew this was as much approval that Louis would provide.

“You’ll have that one day Lou,” Harry reassured, “And it’ll be so full of gayness you could rot your teeth.” This comment earned Harry a pillow to the face off of Louis’ bed.

“Stop talking will ya, after all you’re the one that said we needed to study for this stupid exam.” Louis grunted as he was reminded of the reason for their gathering.

Harry had been the one to organise this because his nervousness for his and Louis’ upcoming exam was rapidly increasing.So Harry quietened down and attempted to ready his study notes, though after staring at them already for an hour he was bored of his wits. “So who’re things with Chris?” Harry mentioned as casually as he could.

“Same old.” Louis’ reply was short as he continued writing.

“Are you going to break with him, or whatever?” Harry asked.

Louis sighed loudly, “You know I can’t.”

“No, you can. You just won’t.” Harry responded, aiming to not sound frustrated.

“We’ve been over this Harry.” Louis pointed out.

“And we’ll keep going over it until you leave him. You’re not happy I don’t understand it.”

“Who said I wasn’t happy.” Louis said, though he knew he wasn’t fooling anyone, not even himself. “Haz if I do, he’ll leave the boys. He told me the only reason he’s sticking around is because of me. Do you understand _now_?”

“Oh.” Harry was again reminded of Louis’ selflessness.

“Yea ‘oh’, so can we please drop this.”

“Yea, sure.”

*

“You need to lighten up babe, I hate seeing you so tense.” Zayn said as he massaged Harry’s shoulders.

It wasn’t Harry’s fault, it was the upcoming exam he had; the one he was certain he was going to fail and would jeopardise his law degree and his world would crash and burn. Ok maybe Louis’ dramatic side was rubbing off on Harry and in reality it wouldn’t be that colossal if he did fail, but still it would be pretty damn close.

“Seriously, I hate seeing you like this.” Zayn expressed his worry. “And you’ve hardly even looked at me since I’ve been here, you’ve had your head buried in book. Let’s do something _fun_.”

“Zee I need to study.” Harry wanted to do something fun, he did. It wasn’t like he enjoyed reading about the origin of law or The Rule of Law. And it was ridiculously hard to do that with Zayn present; harry was sufficiently surprised that he had managed to ignore Zayn who had come to keep him company in his dorm.

“You have studied! You’ve earned yourself a break.” Zayn hugged Harry around his shoulders, the only part he could encircle as Harry was sitting on his desk. “Plus I bought you something.”

Harry turned around at this. “What is it?”

“It’s back at mine. I knew you were heaps stressed and I wanted to help you relax. C’mon let’s go.” Zayn grinned.

Harry was reluctant. He was sick and tired of studying and maybe he did deserve a break and sometime to relax, but still he was apprehensive.

“C’mon Harry.” Zayn went on, tone so soft. Harry would never get tired of the way Zayn would say his name, and that’s all it took really for Harry to abandon his studies and go back to Zayn’s apartment.

Upon entering Zayn’s unit, Harry felt himself ease; he always enjoyed being here, the small space was so Zayn.

“It’s in my room, wait one sec.” Zayn explained as he hurried into his room and left Harry to make himself comfortable. Zayn returned with a little plastic bag in his hand, grinning at Harry. As he neared Harry saw the herb like contents of the bag.

“Zayn, what is that?”

“Just a little something to help you out babe.” Zayn smiled fondly as he sat next to Harry.

“Weed?” Harry gulped.

“Yea. Don’t look so scared baby, it’ll make you feel good.” Zayn reassured as he emptied the small amount onto the coffee table and went to find something to roll it up into. Zayn returned and began the process of rolling up the joint all the while smiling at Harry.

The calm look on Zayn’s face was the only thing keeping Harry at peace. He wasn’t going to lie, he was nervous. He knew that marijuana wasn’t a harmful drug but nonetheless it was still a _drug_.

“Zayn…”Harry could tell his nerves were evident as his voice shook.

“It’ll be ok, trust me. Don’t you trust me?”

And really, when could Harry ever say no to Zayn; plus it was Zayn he would never lie to him and if he said it would help Harry calm down then he was going to try it.

Harry watched as Zayn’s fingers worked precisely on the delicate paper and the way his tongue glided across it. In the dark room, the flame from Zayn’s lighter shone brightly revealing Zayn’s smiling face and Harry’s slightly apprehensive one.

“Try it.” Zayn offered Harry the first drag. Harry took it and inhaled the smoke. “Hold it in for a few more seconds.” Zayn instructed. Harry tried but his body wouldn’t allow for a ‘few more seconds’ and he coughed, the smoking escaping his mouth and floating through the room. “That was good for your first time.” Zayn added before he kissed Harry softly and took the joint off of him.

Zayn inhaled the smoke skilfully and it sat in his lungs for a longer period than Harry’s attempt. At seeing this Harry wanted to try again, to prove to Zayn that he could also do it. With his second drag, Harry had improved, he knew what to except now. He blew out the smoke onto Zayn’s face and let out a laugh, obviously the drug had already started to work because Harry was just feeling _lighter._

Zayn’s laugh was one of Harry’s favourite sounds. And now that they had started smoking their second joint and were completely high, his laugh was so much more louder and Harry couldn’t get enough of it. They kept exchanging lazy kisses only parting to take a drag from the joint. Harry sucked in the smoke and attached his lips to Zayn’s again, only this time he exhaled the smoke into Zayn’s awaiting mouth. A moan escaped from Zayn and he took the joint off of Harry and placed it down onto the ashtray.

Zayn twirled his way to the stereo and turned on the radio to a random station. Harry was certain he had heard this song before, but it just sounded better now that he was high. Everything felt good and he simply felt euphoric. When Zayn came back to sit next to Harry both lads began to laugh hysterically at Harry’s shoe, simply because their thoughts were so jumbled that his white converse actually looked like a green turtle.

Their lips were pressed together again in an intense passion. The kiss felt like it only lasted two seconds but when Harry drew back panting he knew that it had lasted longer than that. Harry began stripping off his clothes grinning widely, exposing his happiness. Zayn could only smile back.

“You feeling good babe?” He laughed as Zayn began to also shed himself of clothing.

Harry thinks he answered Zayn but he’s not entirely sure because all he knows right now is that he _wants_ Zayn. There’s a deep burning desire for him and Harry cannot fathom the idea of not carrying it out.

So right there, on Zayn’s couch, while being high as fuck, the two have sex.

And Harry has never felt more _alive_.

*

The high of both the drug and the sex is wearing off and the two are laying on the couch, Zayn’s back is pressed to Harry’s front as the two spoon.

“I want to go out.” Harry mumbles, feelings of tiredness washing over him.

“Tomorrow, too tired.” Zayn’s curtly replies, evidently also tired.

“We’ll take Lou too.”

“Can we not talk about Lou right now?”

“Why do I get the feeling you two don’t get along?” Despite his low energy, Harry inquires, wanting to know the answer.

“It’s more he doesn’t get along with me.” Zayn mumbles before he sighs loudly, knowing that his boyfriend deserves an explanation. “We’re too alike in a way. We’re both stubborn and get what we want, but we usually want the same thing. And I don’t think he’s ever gotten over the fact that I kissed Liam.”

Harry winces at this; he still struggles to hear about Zayn’s extensive dating history.

“But it was nothing, he was drunk and I had wanted to see if he would kiss me back but that kid’s straight. Lou and I got into a fight because he said I was taking advantage of Li, but I knew it was because he was jealous. And yea there’s this tension between us. Plus not to mention he’s with Chris and it weirds me out. I mean one, he’s our manager like what is Louis doing? And two, he’s so hung up on Liam yet he’s with him. It just doesn’t sit right with me. So there you go, but I still love him. And we’ll go out, Lou too.”

Harry stays quiet throughout the whole thing. A part of him wants to yell at Zayn because he has no idea what Louis is doing for him and how unselfish Louis is, but another part of him wants to agree with everything Zayn is saying.

He finds himself again so torn; between his best friend, and his boyfriend.


	7. Growing Friendships & Growing Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is long over due and i'm sorry for that! But i'm back at school and it's my final year so it's very hard for me to update. pleaseeee be patient with me :))  
> thanks for reading xx

Soon enough time passes and both Harry and Louis sit the dreaded exam, and because of this, they go out for a celebratory dinner along with Zayn, Liam and Niall. Harry now considers Liam and Niall his close friends and is sufficiently amused with himself at the fact that he is effectively making and _keeping_ his friendships.

All five of them are now at a local diner, Zayn and Harry on one side of the booth (Harry pressed up and cuddling into Zayn’s side, with Zayn’s arm firmly around him) and the three other boys on the parallel seats. The night passes by quickly, full of easy flowing conversation and intense laughter. Harry simply couldn’t be happier; he’s sat his final exam of the year and is now on summer break, he’s extremely happy with Zayn and he has great friends. There’s really nothing more he could want.

Zayn’s whispering into Harry’s ear, telling him about a place he wants to take Harry after dinner is done, though Harry doesn’t fully apprehend what Zayn’s said as his attention is directed to Louis who is standing up to leave.

“I think I may head off now lads.” Louis smiles as he slides out of the booth.

Harry’s about to protest and tell Louis to stay a little while longer, though Liam speaks before him. “Lou you haven’t stayed at my dorm in forever, I hardly see you anymore. Spend the night at mine?”

Harry gazes over at Louis to see his friends’ reaction, though Louis is so accustomed to his façade of indifference, he hardly reacts to Liam’s offer. He merely replies, “Yeah, that’d be great. But I need to leave now, you ok with coming with me now?”

“Yes of course, I’ll see you later lads.” Liam awkwardly climbs over Niall and gets up to stand next to Louis. If Harry still wasn’t staring at Louis and Liam he would’ve missed how Liam pushes Louis’ hand away as Louis attempts to pay for his share of the meal. Liam leaves enough money to cover his and Louis’ share and the two walk off. Not long after them, Niall says goodbye and leaves the two lovers alone.

“What were you saying before about going somewhere?” Harry inquires once they’re left alone.

“To a party.” Zayn replies before kissing a slightly puzzled Harry on the lips and sliding out of his seat. He extends his hand for Harry to take, which Harry accepts. Zayn collects the money their friends left and moves over to the register, where he adds more money to pay for himself and for Harry. Harry thanks him with a kiss.

*

It’s a house party; well really it was an apartment. But nonetheless, it was a party not like one Harry has ever been to before. Harry learns that the host of the party is a mate of Zayn’s, however he isn’t entirely sure how they exactly met. Zayn simply had said “Nick’s my mate.” And Harry had left it at that. They’d entered into the apartment and Harry felt Zayn’s grip around Harry’s waist tighten as he pulled him in closer, as if he were making it apparent to everyone that they were together. Though Harry didn’t mind, he loved being close to Zayn.

The place was packed. It’s difficult to move without your body pressing up against someone else’s in a way that would’ve been considered provocative if it weren't for the lack of space. There are people sprawled on the couches, their bodies aligned completely due to the lack of space. There are people dancing, though they’re all so close together they’re practically moving as one. And Harry finds there’s lots, and lots of alcohol. Zayn leads them to the kitchen where drunken youths are bravely testing out the capabilities of their kidneys as they refill their drinks. Harry settles for whatever drink Zayn finds them and the two kiss lazily for a while exchanging the taste of the bitter alcohol on their lips.

Eventually Harry meets Nick. He spots Zayn in the crowd and heads towards the two. Zayn greets him cheerfully, pulling him into a friendly hug. The two converse for a while, only stopping when Nick’s eyes wander off to Harry as he admires the curly haired boy. Harry feels uncomfortable under his gaze; his look practically screams what he’s thinking of doing to Harry if he were to get him alone. At realising this Zayn’s tone changes from friendly to rather aggressively protective, “This is Harry, my _boyfriend_.” Zayn punctuates the last word as an attempt to make it clear to Nick.

“Oh, well ain’t that a shame,” Nick says daringly, either oblivious to Zayn’s jealousy or rather choosing to ignore it. “It’s lovely to meet you Harry.”

Harry gives him a weak smile, though he doesn’t have an opportunity to respond because Zayn’s leading Harry away from Nick to where majority of the people are dancing. The two dance together for a while though they soon stop as Zayn attaches their lips together in a passionate kiss. By now Harry’s slightly drunk and he’s so utterly captivated by the kiss. Zayn pulls his lips away from Harry’s to attach them to Harry’s exposed neck where he sucks ferociously on the skin.

“Mine.” Harry hears Zayn say as he pulls away from Harry’s neck, where Harry can only presume a love bite has replaced Zayn’s lips. Harry shudders at Zayn’s seductive and jealous tone.

“Love you.” Harry simply says before he drunkenly kisses Zayn, his hands wandering all over his boyfriend’s body and vice versa.  The only reason that Harry pulls away is that his bladder is threatening to burst from all the alcohol he’s consumed. He parts from Zayn, but not before he’s placed a few quick kisses onto his lips.

Thankfully the apartment is small and Harry finds the toilet straightaway, however he also finds a line of three other people in front of him. He waits impatiently, occasionally crossing his legs to control his bladder. A girl and a guy walk out of the bathroom together, both looking completely off their faces and their lips swelled from kissing. Harry stops his thoughts from thinking about what they had possibly done in the bathroom; rather he concentrates on controlling his bladder.

Finally, it’s his turn. He quickly caves into his urge to pee and ignores the state of the bathroom which has remnants of cocaine along the sink and a used condom on the floor. As desperate as Harry was for the bathroom, he was far more desperate to get out. He quickly washes his hands and returns to the dancing bodies to try and find Zayn where he’d left him just over 10 minutes ago.

Zayn isn’t in the same place where he and Harry were dancing which leaves Harry aimlessly scanning the room for Zayn. He hangs around near the kitchen, sipping on some water. He soon spots Zayn in a corner of the apartment dancing with a strange man. At first Harry’s riddled with jealousy, although he pushes it away simply because he trusts and respects Zayn. After all they were just dancing. He doesn’t tear his eyes away from his boyfriend or the stranger, even when they get closer and the stranger’s hands caress Zayn’s back. Harry is now struggling to maintain himself, he’s jealousy is bubbling rapidly.  But he continues to try and stay calm, he reminds himself that the unit is small so they can’t really dance further apart, and also they’re standing next to the speaker so Zayn has to get close to the guy’s face to speak into his ear. He forcefully makes himself believe the excuses he’s forming but when Harry sees the stranger lean in to kiss Zayn he simply loses all his control.

At the sight, Harry can feel his heart break. He stumbles backwards and he hits the bar of the kitchen which he uses as his leverage because he’s feeling so weak and stricken with hurt that he’s about to fall to the ground if it weren’t for that support. He’s still staring at them and he wants to yell but the shock of the situation doesn’t allow him to do anything but simply star in disbelief. He sees Zayn pull away from the guy, a smug smile playing on his lips and he walks away from him. Harry sees Zayn’s eyes search the room until they fall on Harry.

Zayn zigzags through the crowd to where Harry is, smile still intact. When he reaches Harry, there is a look of excitement in his eyes and his smile is so overbearing in comparison to the sadness that Harry feels.

“Zayn?” Harry chocks. “What the hell?”

“Babe we have to go.” Zayn laughs.

Harry only shakes his head. “No, what just happened? You _kissed_ him.”

“I’ll explain it but please Harry, c’mon we gotta leave.” Zayn’s practically bouncing. He turns to look at the guy he’s just kissed and he can see him pat his pockets in search for something. Harry looks over at the guy as well. As soon as the guy realises he can’t find whatever it is he’s searching for his head pops up and his eyes scan the room. “Harrrry.” Zayn pleads.

And now the guy is heading towards them, a look of anger on his face.

“Fuck, Harry come with me now.” Zayn says as he grabs Harry’s reluctant hand and drags him out of the apartment.

As Harry is being aimlessly pulled away he turns around to see the guy. He’s following them and a surge of fear quickly rushes through Harry. He has no clue what’s happening but all he knows is no matter how angry he is at Zayn, he wants to be with him right now more than anyone else. They exit the front door of the apartment to where there is silence and Harry looks at Zayn briefly, who’s eyes are racing with adrenaline and excitement.

“Run.” Is all Zayn says as he tightens his grasp on Harry’s hand and the two run down the stairs and out of the building.

The two run through the streets, both casting quick glances over their shoulders to see if the guy is still behind them, which he is and he's yelling words neither of them understand. Harry’s anger eases as it’s replaces with adrenalin and the sound of Zayn’s laugh calms him down. He’s thankful for the energy he’s been bestowed with because they run for a long time until they finally lose the guy.

They run for a while longer to make sure and then they stop and sit down on the ground, panting for breath. Zayn’s still laughing uncontrollably and Harry joins him. He can’t even begin to describe how he’s feeling right now. When Zayn’s regained his breath he lifts himself up and turns to Harry, sitting on his boyfriend whose back is pressed against a building. As Zayn straddles Harry he kisses him quickly. Confusion consumes Harry because despite his anger he’s still desperate for Zayn.

Zayn pulls away and reaches for his front pocket of his jeans where he fishes out a small bag that’s filled with tiny blue pills that are illuminated in the street lights.

“Knicked them from that douche.” Zayn laughs again loudly.

And Harry can’t comprehend what’s happening. He joins in with Zayn’s laughter because the whole situation is completely _fucked_.

Harry pulls Zayn in close to him and begins to kiss along Zayn’s neck. He moves to the spot where he knows brings Zayn the most pleasure and sucks on the skin right above Zayn’s collarbone. When he’s sure that blood has been raised to the surface enough to leave a visible mark Harry pulls away and whispers into Zayn’s ear, “Mine.” Just like Zayn had done to Harry earlier than night.

“I love _you_ , so much ok?” Zayn says as an act of reassurance so Harry understands that the kiss was a simple tactic to get the drugs.

Harry nods, “Can we go home now?”

“Of course babe.” Zayn says as he lifts himself off of Harry and extends his hand to aid Harry to his feet. “You ok to walk babe? I don’t want to risk going back to get the car.” Zayn laughs.

Harry was now familiar with the area, and even though it was pitch black as the time was well past midnight he knows that Zayn’s apartment is only a ten minute walk from where they are. “Sure.”

*

The walk to Zayn’s much faster, maybe because the two still hadn’t come down from their natural high and had enough energy to speed walk most of the way through the blackened streets. They stumble into Zayn’s flat and try to be as quiet as they possibly can in respect to their sleeping neighbours.

After locking the door Zayn turns to Harry, eyes gleaming. “You ready babe?” He asks as he pulls out the bag of drugs out of his pants pocket.

Harry feels himself lick his lips in anticipation as Zayn pulls out the small pill. He’s not completely sure when he had become so accepting of drugs. He thinks somewhere along the many times he kept doing pot with Zayn he had accepted the idea of any drug simply because he did it with Zayn.

“Come’ere.” Zayn practically whispers.

Harry fumbles to the standing Zayn and watches as he puts the pill on his extended tongue. Their eyes lock and Harry immediately understand what Zayn wants him to do. Harry leans forward and presses their lips in a soft kiss. He feels Zayn transfer the pill to his mouth and Harry pulls away to swallow it. He sees Zayn smile at him admiringly and all Harry can do is smile back. Harry reaches his hand for the bag and fishes out a pill. He places it against Zayn’s lips and waits for Zayn to open it and swallow it. Quickly Zayn does so and the two kiss hastily.

Harry’s unaware of what drug he had just consumed but he’s overcome with the desire to just kiss and be close to Zayn. So he does just that. As the drug begins to take its effect, euphoria washes over the two kissing bodies. There’s a vast increase in both their energy levels and the two make their way to Zayn’s bedroom all the while saying sweet nothings to one another as their lips are still intact. They kiss passionately as the lay on Zayn’s bed, occasionally discarding their items of clothing until they are both completely naked.

Zayn hovers above Harry for a while and he admires everything about Harry in that moment. His huge smile, his eyes that are practically glowing in stimulation and the drug just heightens every fibre of him with love for his boyfriend. “You’re so beautiful.” Is all that Zayn says before he kisses Harry again softly.

All of Harry’s senses are increased and he feels his insides bubble with pure love and an overwhelmingly strong desire for Zayn; one he’d never felt before which makes Harry assume that it’s the works of the drug.

Both the boys are buzzing and despite their surge of energy they are very slow and attentive of each other. As Zayn truts into Harry, Harry drags his finger nails across Zayn’s back, where there will certainly be scratches.

After the two have come down from the high of the drug and of their orgasms, they fall asleep more in love then before. 


	8. Bittersweet Lips

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SOOOOO SORRY FOR THE OVERDUE UPDATE! I've just been so busy with school it's really difficult to update quickly. Please be patient with me xxx

Harry clumsily slipped on his boxers as he tried to leave the bedroom without disrupting Zayn from his sleep. Though he didn’t succeed; Zayn stirred on the bed, letting out a moan signalling he was awake. So before Harry exited the room to go make them some coffee he placed a soft kiss to his boyfriend’s lips.

He searched for the coffee jar that somehow always seemed to obtain the ability to grow legs and move out of its place (or Zayn kept moving it because he didn’t like Harry reorganising his kitchen).

“I need coffee.” Zayn groaned out as he paraded into the kitchen wearing his jeans alone.

“Just need to heat up the water babe.” Harry informed him. He turned the power point on and flicked the switch on the kettle to boil the water. Though the light that signalled that the kettle was working didn’t appear. “Zee, I think the kettle is busted.”

“What do you mean it’s busted. It can’t be we only got it last week.” Zayn said, his tone annoyed.

“The light isn’t going on.” Harry tried to explain as Zayn reached his side and had a turn himself to try and turn it on. When Zayn didn’t succeed, he moved to the fridge and opened it quickly before he banged it shut again rather forcefully. At the action Harry felt himself tense.

“Fuck.” Zayn growled. “The kettle is perfectly fine. They fucking cut off the power.”

“What?!” Harry found himself almost shouting in sheer disbelief.

“Derek told me he’d give me another week.” Harry had met Zayn’s landlord several times and he wasn’t at all surprised that Derek hadn’t kept his promise to Zayn; he didn’t look like a trustworthy guy.

“But why?” Harry asked.

“Because I didn’t pay the electricity bill is why.” Zayn lifted his hands up to swipe over his face in sheer frustration. “The weed I’ve been getting hasn’t been free y’know.” Harry felt himself wince at the comment.

Feelings of guilt wash over Harry and he can’t shake the fact that this is his entire fault. He’s left standing alone in the kitchen feeling completely small as Zayn disappears to the bedroom swearing aggressively. Harry knew that Zayn had a bad temper, he’d seen him get angry heaps of times but it had never been directed at _him_.

Zayn reappears dressed in his work uniform, look of anger still plastered on his face. Harry doesn’t meet his gaze, still slightly apprehensive; he doesn’t want to risk angering Zayn any more so he keeps quiet. “I’m going to work to see if they can pay me early and if I can pick up a few extra shifts. And I’ll have to speak to Derek the dick.” He mutters as he collects his wallet, phone and keys that are sprawled throughout the kitchen. “I’ll see you later.” Zayn lightens his tone once he has everything and stands in front of Harry. Obviously Harry hasn’t masked his discontent well because Zayn’s harsh face lifts ever so slightly and he places a soft kiss to Harry’s unmoving lips before he rushes out of the apartment.

Harry stands in the kitchen a little while longer. He feels so guilty and extremely horrible. He’d basically been living at Zayn’s and yet it had never occurred to him that he should be contributing to things like the bills. He curses himself for his stupidity.

He rummages through his pile of clothes that he had discarded onto the floor the night before in search for his wallet. To his surprise he finds £40 in there and he thinks it’s a sufficient amount of money to go and see Derek. So he slips on his outfit from the day before and heads down the stairs to Derek’s apartment. He’s thankful that Derek’s a live-in land lord because it means he can deal with the issue directly and turn the power back on.

He knocks on the door and impatiently bounces on his feet as he waits for Derek to open the door for him. 

“What?” Derek snarls as he opens the door.

Harry would be lying if he said he wasn’t uncomfortable, there was something about the guy that didn’t sit right with Harry and the fact that he was facing him without Zayn made his nerves rise. “Uh, this-this is for the power.” Harry mumbles, not meeting Derek’s eyes as he hands over the money.

“It’s short.” Derek said curtly.

“We’ll pay whatever is still due later, but can you please turn the power back on?” Harry tries to say strongly.

Derek debates with himself for a while and Harry thinks that he’s surely going to say no. “If that dickhead comes back here and starts yelling again I’ll turn it off though.”

Harry gazes up, his face lightening dramatically, “Thank you.” He says genuinely because even though Derek was a total dick and he’d just insulted his boyfriend, Harry is still grateful.

“Yea.” Is all Derek says before he banged the door shut.

Harry bounds up the stairs quicker than he had ever thought possible. He enters into the apartment and fumbles with the light switch. To his disappointment the light doesn’t turn on and he’s preparing himself to go back down but then the light flickers on and Harry can’t supress his joy. His celebration is cut short by the sound of his phone ringing. He follows the sound of the ringtone and to find his phone under a couch pillow and fearing that the caller would hang up, he quickly answers without checking the caller ID.

“Hello?” Harry answers.

“Harry!” His mother’s voice echoes through the speaker.

Harry is genuinely shocked; he lifts the phone off of his ear to check if it was in fact his mother. “Mum?”

“Yes babe, it’s me.” She says excitedly. “How are you?”

“Ahh, good, I’m good. What about you?”

“I’m alright, missing you terribly though.”

And for the second time that day Harry is riddled with immense guilt. He loves his mother a lot, and he hates that he hasn’t made any grand effort to stay in touch or see her. It wasn’t her fault, it was simply that Harry and his father had a disconnection and so he distanced himself from his father and it happened to accidentally extend to his mum. “I miss you too.” Harry admits.

“So tell me, are you coming down now that you’re on your summer break?” She asks, her tone full of excitement.

Harry is rendered still, because fuck, he hadn’t thought about it at all and now he feels more terrible than before. He feels like a horrible person, “Yea I was going to call you later on once I’d sorted through a couple of things I still have to do for uni.” He feels guilty to lie, but he knows it’s better than him disappointing her.

“Oh of course, I understand that you have things to do. I’m so excited to see you!”

“So am I!” Harry’s tone is genuine, because he truly was excited as the prospect of seeing his mum.

They converse for a while longer, covering all the basic things like how Harry’s studies were going to how Dusty, the pet cat was. And then his mother asks about his friends.

“I’ve made some great friends, I’m certain if you met them you’d love them!” Harry says proudly.

“You should bring one up to stay with us for a little while over the break, I’m so glad that you’ve made such good friends.”

And really, did she just say that? Harry can’t believe the offer. Sure, he’d never had a vast amount of friends during high school but he had never expected that his mother would go through such extents for him to keep the friends he has now. Harry seriously considers it, considers taking possibly Louis up with him because he knows his mother would absolutely love him (he’s not sure how his father would react to him though). Or if he brought up Zayn. It registers to Harry that despite the numerous months he and Zayn had been together, he had never mentioned it to his mother. He knows his mother would accept it completely, but at the thought of properly confessing it, Harry is frightened.

“Would that offer still extend for my boyfriend?” Harry practically whispers and even though it’s over the phone he feels himself blush at the confession.

“Oh, of course it wou-”

“Wait, you don’t care?” Harry knew his mother was a very accepting person, but he was still startled by it.

“Of course I don’t love. To be honest, I had always had my suspicions so I’m not entirely shocked. But it doesn’t matter to me, as long as you’re happy that’s really all that counts.”

Harry tells his mum how much he loves her, and she returns the statement too. For the remainder of the conversation Harry rambles on about Zayn and his mum is becoming more and more excited at the prospect of meeting him.

Before he says goodbye and hangs up, Harry says, “And mum, please don’t tell dad.”

“Of course I won’t sweetie. Bye I love you, and I’ll see you really soon!”

Harry knows his dad isn’t at all like his mum. Especially when it comes to such things as these. His father is very conservative and had always been one of those dads that would try to push their son into sports and other various masculine stereotypes. He’d always known that he had somehow let down his father, but the affection his father lacked towards him his mother more than enough made up for. So Harry couldn’t at all imagine his dad’s reaction if he were to ever find out that Harry was with a guy, and in all honesty Harry really doesn’t want to think about it. He knows that if he were to ever find out the reaction would be horrendous, and it would probably be the thing that finally split his parents.

From a young age, he’d known that his parents weren’t entirely happy together and a huge part of Harry had expected them to split once Harry had moved away to uni. But that still hadn’t occurred.

*

Harry wasn’t lying completely when he told his mother he still had some things to clear up at university. Like one, he had to start packing his dorm if he wanted to actually go back home for summer. So there he was, sorting through his belongings when a knock on the door echoed through the small complex.

“Who is it?” Harry chimed.

“It’s me.” Louis’ familiar voice rang through.

Harry bounced up quickly to answer, he hadn’t seen Louis for a couple of days and he had missed him greatly. “Louis!” Harry beamed as he opened the door and embraced his friend into a hug, not giving him anytime to respond.

Though Louis doesn’t return the embrace with much excitement, and Harry pulls away anxiously. “Lou, what’s wrong?”

“I-I heard you come in and I haven’t seen you for a while now and I just-can I come in?” Louis says glumly.

And really today isn’t Harry’s day. He had been a bad boyfriend, son and now he was being slotted into the bad friend category. He thinks back to the last time he saw Louis which was at the start of the week after they’d had dinner together and Louis went back home with Liam. And, oh.

“I’m sorry Louis.” He says sincerely. “How, how’d things go with you and Li.”

“Great.” Louis laughs, but it’s not one from joy, it’s one that’s laced with hurt. “And that’s what makes it so much harder. I’ve basically been with him every day and it’s so fucking great it hurts.” Harry snuggles Louis into his side, wrapping his arm around the smaller boy as a form of comfort as the two sit on his bed.

“Tell him.” Harry says softly.

“You’d think that I could. You’d think that the fact that these past couple of days we’ve basically spent every waking hour together and even slept in the same bed together would suggest that he is in fact gay. But nope. With my fucking lucky I had to fall in love with the straightest guy ever created.” Louis’ tone is defeated. “And then there’s Chris who’s just using me as a fucking boy toy to help him get off. How sad is that? My love life involves a straight guy and a pervert.”

They’re silent for a while, Louis’ heaving breathing is the only drastic noise.

“Haz am I a bad person? Is that why I can’t find anyone?”

“What!? No!” Harry exclaims as he turns to face Louis. “You most certainly are not.”

“Then why? Why can’t I find anyone that likes me for me?” And Harry knows that Louis’ is close to his breaking point, his shaking voice is a signal of it.

“You’ll find the right person soon enough.” Harry reassures. “This has nothing to do with you, you’re great.”

“Not great enough apparently…”

“Don’t say that Louis. It’s untrue.”

“No, but it is true it really is. I’m never good enough for anyone.” A tear trickles down Louis’ cheek and Harry wipes it away with his thumb.

“Harry, why don’t you like me?” Louis asks his voice so completely broken.

A pang of hurt shoots through Harry as though someone has clasped his insides and twisted them in a way that makes him feel completely ill. He’s lost for words and he is rendered still from the sheer weight of the question. Never had he thought that he might have been a cause for Louis’ pain and it makes him feel horrid. “Lo-”

“What did I do wrong?” He asks desperate for the answer, as though he had in fact done something wrong.

“It’s not that Louis.” Harry tries to assure him because it truly had never been the case. Louis was perfect in every way but to Harry he was simply his best friend. A part of him wants to cry simply at the fact that Louis is upset over him and there’s nothing he can do to fix it.

“You met me before Zayn but-but you still went for him.” More tears escape Louis’ eyes and he is clearly hurting majorly. All Harry wants is to make Louis aware that he was never the issue. He wants Louis to realise that he’s literally one of the most fantastic people that he’s ever met.

“Louis, please.” Harry tries. And he knows that Louis’ sadness hasn’t stemmed from him, this was just a stupid way that Louis had justified to himself that he was worthless. “I love you so much.” He can’t seem to find any sufficient words, “Please stop crying.” Harry feels completely helpless, “I really do love you, it’s just that…” He just needs Louis to feel his love for him but his words aren’t enough. So he does the only thing he can think of and hastily leans forward and captures Louis’ lips into a sensitive kiss.

It starts of soft, as though Harry’s asking permission for it and trying to gage a reaction out of Louis. Louis is quick to respond though, and he presses into the kiss with desperation. Harry isn’t thinking straight at all. His mind is completely engrossed in the kiss and the fact that Louis’ lips feel so good. Domination falls quickly to Harry and he’s grateful for that. He forces Louis backwards onto the bed and leans in further as he hovers about him. Louis is moaning into the kiss and if Harry weren’t so lost in it all, he’s certain he would be just as vocal.

Enough time passes so that when Harry pulls back he is panting for breath. He smiles lazily at the dishevelled Louis beneath him, “Please know I love you.” Is all that Harry says.

And he’s certain that Louis’ knows now. Harry thinks for a while that it may have been dysfunctional and utterly wrong to kiss his best friend, but it wasn’t an act of sensuality for Harry, he hadn’t viewed it that way at all. All he wanted was for Louis to feel loved, and by achieving that, it overcompensated any emotions of guilt or regret. 


	9. To Build A Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took so long to update! i haven't edited this so there will be mistakes in this, sorry as well about that ahahah

The familiar scent of tobacco consumes Harry as he enters Zayn’s apartment through the unlocked door. He finds the source of the smell loosely dangling from Zayn’s fingers as he’s sitting on the edge of the couch, crouched over the coffee table writing in his lyrics book. Zayn’s face is scrunched in concentration, his hair is askew and the lit cigarette in his hand completely forgotten. Harry walks over delicately to him, pulls the cigarette from his boyfriend’s hand and settles down on the other end of the couch his legs drown up so he can rest his head onto his knees.

He takes a couple of drags of Zayn’s nearly finished smoke before Zayn speaks, “Y’know Derek thinks I’m lucky.” Zayn says, still not looking up from his book.

“Why so?” Harry asks before returning his lips to the cigarette and sucking.

“He reckons I’m too much of a bustard for someone like you.” Zayn says through a laugh. Harry joins in on the laugh because it’s completely ridiculous. He wonders what would possess the landlord to say something like that. If anything he was the lucky one to have Zayn because in all reality Harry didn’t feel as though he offered anything to the relationship in comparison to Zayn.

The two fall silent for a while. Harry finishes the smoke and he glances over at Zayn’s work. There are 6 words on the page and Zayn hasn’t written anything since Harry got in.

“The best part is, that Derek’s right.” Zayn’s tone is harsh, “I’m just some screw up kid with big unrealistic dreams about music. And I can’t even fucking do that it seems.” He throws the pen against the coffee table forcefully, giving up on any attempts to write, clearly frustrated with himself.

“Zayn, babe-” He doesn’t want Zayn to be so self-critical.

“No don’t. Li and Niall have a backup plane, they’re in uni and they’re going somewhere. But me? All I have is this. Harry, this is all I do and if this fails, then what? I’m completely fucked.” Zayn turns to Harry now, their eyes locked and Harry can see the hurt in Zayn’s eyes. “Everyone around me knows that I’m not going anywhere. Heck even my dad gave up on me. When he realised I wasn’t the ideal son that was going to be some doctor or whatever he had already lost some hope in me. Then I started really getting into music and that was even worse for our relationship. But when it turned out that I was his stupid son that was only good for playing guitar AND on top of all that I liked boys all hope was fucking lost for me and him to have some sort of relationship… That’s why my family never comes up here.”

It dawns on Harry that that’s true. Zayn constantly speaks to his mum and his sisters, even Harry does as well, they all know about him. But he had never paid much attention to the fact that Zayn’s dad was never a part of the phone conversations.

“Y’know he doesn’t let the girls come and see me.” Zayn chocks out in a laugh, though there’s no humour behind it, more a chuckle of defeat. “He doesn’t know mum sends me some money sometimes either. He thinks I’m a fuck up and he’s completely right.”

“Zayn don’t you even dare.” Harry says sternly. He moves closer to Zayn so they’re sitting directly next to one another, “You are not a fuck up. If your dad can’t accept you for who you are that’s not your fault, it’s his. And he’s the one that’s missing out because you are an insanely amazing person. If all that matters to him is being some fancy doctor than he needs to revaluate his mindset, because you as a person should be everything a parent hopes for their child to be. You have so many great qualities that outweigh every doctor I’ve met. And your music! Don’t even get me started, you don’t need a backup plane babe, you don’t because music is what you were made for. You’re not going to fail in it. Derek can suck a fat one because I’m the lucky one in this relationship, not you. You have to see how great you are and how much value you have.”

Zayn’s eyes never leave Harry’s and once Harry stops speaking Zayn embraces him into a tight hug full of gratitude. His face is nuzzled into the crook of Harry’s neck and he’s breathing heavily. Harry’s hands brush his back soothingly and he mumbles into Zayn’s head as his lips are pressed against it how much he loves him.

When they pull apart Harry takes hold of Zayn’s hands, not wanting to part from him. “I spoke to my mum today.” Harry beings. “And I told her.”

Zayn’s eyes lighten up at this. He knows that Harry hasn’t ever before mentioned his sexuality to his parents so the announcement is significant.

“She knows Zee. She knows about you and she wants to meet you.” Harry sees the startled look in Zayn’s eyes. “Zayn you’re not some screw up, you’re my boyfriend and I love every part of you. You mean so much to me and I want you and those I love to know about it. So will you come home with me next week?”

“Harry…” Zayn’s tone full of adoration. He leans forward and gives Harry a soft kiss as a signal of agreement. “Harry, what about your dad though?” Zayn’s fully aware that like his father Harry’s dad isn’t accepting about homosexuality either.

“He doesn’t have to know. My dad’s fucked and what matters to me is that mum knows and she really wants to meet you and I really want you to meet her.”

“This makes us so much more, I don’t know, more real I guess.”

“Is that bad? If you’re not ready to then I’m so sorry I shouldn’t push you.”

“No, no. I’d love to. It means so much that you want me to meet her.” Zayn smiles sweetly. “Fuck, I love you.”

*

Harry finds himself at Liam’s dorm along with Zayn. The two are repaying him and helping him pack his dorm to go home for the summer break, because he had helped Harry. When they’ve just about finished helping him pack (everything except the bed because Liam isn’t leaving until the next day) Liam brings up the topic about Zayn going to stay with Harry.

“Yea, we’re going to the restaurant for dinner tonight and meeting my mum there so she can properly meet Zayn as my boyfriend without my dad knowing. Then we’ll go back to my place and dad will simply know Zayn as Zayn.” Harry explains.

“I’m excited.” Zayn says and he and Harry smile fondly at one another.

“Well, have fun you two! Louis’ already gone back home so it’ll be good to hang out with him without the distraction of uni.” Liam says. Harry can’t help but notice the way Liam’s tone is excited and how he brings up Louis into the conversation. And of course Liam would be excited and want to talk about his best friend, but Harry is a romantic and he’s brain can’t help but stretch the possibilities.

They stay for a while longer before Harry starts getting anxiety about the time and they leave to go back to Zayn’s where their bags and Harry’s boxes have been packed for a couple of days. They both need to get dressed and still drive down to Harry’s area. Luckily for them though, Harry’s home was a mere 45 minute drive from the city so Zayn, naturally, reassures Harry and calms him down.

“Ahh, is this good?” Zayn says nervously as he fidgets with his top once he’s fully dressed. His tone seeking approval, clearly conveying his desire to please Harry’s mum and Harry’s consumed with adoration.

Zayn’s sporting a black and red checked top with plain black skinny leg jeans; it’s suitable enough for a dinner but not too overly dressed either. He looks good, his lean legs emphasised by the jeans, the colours within the shirt compliment his darkened skin and he simply looks really good (though this isn’t something new, Zayn always does).

“It’s great.” Harry smiles after he looks him over. Harry himself is wearing a navy shirt with an assembly of white hearts all over it. Zayn told him once that navy really suited Harry and he might have purchased a few extra clothing items in that colour…

“You all set?” Zayn asks.

“Yes.” Harry answers and they head down the stairs to Zayn’s car where all their belongings have already been put.

They leave the apartment an hour before the reservation at the restaurant. It’ll take them less time to get there but Harry wanted to be careful.

“Is it normal to be this nervous?” Zayn laughs. The majority of their ride had been quiet, obviously both boys’ thoughts had been preoccupied.

“I’m going to go ahead and say yes because I’m shitting it for no apparent reason? It’s as though I’m the one that’s meeting my mum for the first time.” Harry laughs with him. “But no need to be nervous, she’ll love you.” Harry reassures.

The two fall quiet again and Harry reaches for his pocket for his phone to preoccupy him and distract him from his racing thoughts. It was true that he was nervous, but not about the dinner, it was more the fact that he was nervous, scared in fact, about his dad. He was worrying about his dad finding out that Zayn wasn’t just a friend from London coming to stay with them and it scared him senseless. He didn’t find his phone in his left pocket so Harry searched in his right, yet there was no success. He patted his chest and there was nothing there either. He started the panic because he couldn’t find his phone.

Zayn could see his boyfriend fumbling in the corner of his eye, “Haz, what’re you doing?”

“I can’t find my phone.” Harry explains his tone a mixture of panic and annoyance.

“It must still be at the apartment.” Zayn reassures.

“No it isn’t because now that I think about it I didn’t use it at all then and I didn’t see it. Shit.” Harry curses.

“Well, we only went to Liam’s so it’s probably there.” Zayn tries again.

Harry stretches his hands to Zayn’s jeans pockets in search for his phone because he didn’t want Zayn to get distracted with fiddling for it while he was driving. Though, in all honesty Zayn was probably more distracted now with his boyfriend touching him all over his groin.

Once Harry has Zayn’s phone he texts Liam asking if his mobile is there. Liam replies that it in fact is at Liam’s with a flat battery and only when he does Harry allows himself to breathe normally again.

“Hate to say it, but I told you so.”

“How can you be so calm about everything?”

“Just am.” Zayn shrugs, a smirk on his lips. “We’re almost at the restaurant now so I’ll probably go tomorrow and get your phone for you and leave you to spend some quality few hours with your family.”

“Have I ever told you I love you?”

“Not nearly enough, no.” Zayn mocks.

As expected, they arrive at the restaurant earlier than the reservation but it doesn’t pose a problem and the waitress leads them to the table. There more than 15 minutes early and all they can do is sit and wait. As the time edges closer, Harry’s anxiousness begins to set in. He’s now more nervous than Zayn because only then, when the reality of the situation dawns on him he realises the immensity of it all. Zayn’s meeting his mum.

This step, in any relationship is a significant one, but for Harry it’s vastly more important, because one, he’s never brought anyone to meet his mum and two, the person he’s bringing is a boy. It’s a few minutes past 7 o’clock and Anne should be coming in any time now. Harry’s eyes are locked to the front of the restaurant in anticipation of her entrance, Zayn remarkably has calmed down significantly to a point where he is practically enjoying himself. And Harry’s glad, he’s so glad he has Zayn because he always brings Harry back down to a degree of normality and Harry needs the control and calmness in his life.

A few more minutes pass and it’s fair to say that Harry’s anxiety has reached an all time high.

“Why isn’t she here yet?”

“Y’know women babe.” Zayn says because he has nothing else to say.

“She’s probably trying to call me but I don’t have my phone!”

Zayn’s grip on Harry’s hand tightens, and he looks Harry directly in the eye, “She’ll be here soon.” And it is as though Zayn’s words were magical because Harry obviously calms down. While they’re waiting Zayn rubs his hand across the top of Harry’s leg and they both look towards the door.

“No.” Harry suddenly says as he visibly turns pale. “No, oh my god no.”

“What, what is it? What’s wrong Harry, babe?” Zayn’s frightened because Harry is acting as though he has seen a ghost. Zayn follows Harry’s gaze and his eyes rest upon a man and a woman you are standing at the entry of the restaurant eyes scanning the place.

“He’s here.” Harry turns to Zayn and his eyes reflect the look of sheer terror and Zayn’s heart drops at the sight of his boyfriend being so fearful.

The man at the front is still scanning the room, while the woman he’s with looks so distressed and even from the distance it can be seen that she’s crying as she and then his eyes lock in the direction of Zayn and Harry.

“Zayn,” Harry’s voice shakes, “Zayn my dad’s here.”

The man, or Harry’s dad is now moving forward towards them the woman, presumably Harry’s mum following behind him tone defeated as she tries and stops him.

Harry’s looking in desperation between his parents and between Zayn. His eyes have swelled up in tears and he’s never been so fearful. The determination in his father’s stride is alone scaring him.

“Zayn.” Harry says and his tone is pleading, yet he’s unsure for what.

“Get up Harry. C’mon babe.” Zayn says delicately, but it’s a command. His tone is assertive and his eyes are locked with Harry’s fathers.

Harry stumbles up and stands besides Zayn who immediately grabs a hold of Harry’s hand.

“What’s all this?!” Harry’s dad says loudly when they reach the table.

“George.” Harry’s mum pleads through her sobs as she holds his arm and tries to pull him backwards. “Harry I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry baby boy.”

“Quiet Anne!” The man says forcefully.

“Dad.” Harry chocks out.

“Who’s that with you Harry?” The man’s tone is taunting, as though he’s daring Harry to admit it. “Your mum let it slip that you have a boyfriend?” He spits.

“Is there a problem here?” A waiter and a security man intervenes the two standing couples that have caused a scene in the restaurant.

“None at all, expect apparently my son’s a fucking poof!” Harry’s dad yells.

Harry breaks at the comment, letting his fear and his tears escape. Zayn’s grip only tightens.

“No, sir there isn’t a problem except for the fact that unfortunately in this world we still have narrow minded idiots that can’t seem to move past their homophobic, stone age views. Consider yourself a fool Mr Styles because you have just ruined a relationship with the greatest person I know. Anne, it’s a shame that we couldn’t have met on better circumstances, but Harry and I are leaving.” Zayn’s tone is so forceful and so full of anger.

Zayn’s strides are strong whereas Harry is struggling to walk as he leads the crying Harry out of the restaurant. He turns back and he sees his mum crying and his dad being handled by the security man.

When they exit the restaurant Zayn speaks, “C’mon let’s go home.”

Harry realises that’s the first time that Zayn’s referred to his apartment as ‘home’, and Harry thinks that it really, truly is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading and being patient with me :) x


	10. Don't you forget how beautiful you are

Harry’s body is littered with tattoos now. It seems all he did during his break from university was get tattoos, spend time with Zayn, get tattoos with Zayn and spending time with Zayn some more. Though that’s not entirely true, he went to spend a weekend with Louis in his family home and he remembers Louis greeted him with a kiss hello on the lips.

“So beautiful.” Zayn purrs as he presses kiss after kiss along Harry’s naked body, until Harry’s squirming beneath him. “Love you so much babe.” Zayn continues with his feather light kisses, occasionally nibbling and licking at random. Harry can’t handle it he needs _more_ , he needs Zayn.

“Zayn.” Harry pants. It’s a failed attempt to convey his desperation, but he simply can’t seem to form any words beside that. His mind is too fogged with _Zayn, Zayn, Zayn_.

“You’re so good, Harry. So good and so pretty.” Zayn’s either oblivious of Harry’s needs though that seems practically impossible, so he’s clearly purposely tormenting him now. “I love this one.” Zayn says as he places a kiss to the Pink Floyd tattoo Harry has, “This one too.” He moves his lips to the heart on Harry’s arm. “And these ones the most.” Zayn ends as he moves himself across to the two swallows that cover Harry’s chest and sucks and nibbles on the skin there.

Harry’s fully aware on why Zayn had particularly pointed out those tattoos, it’s because it’s their matching tattoos. “Zayn,” Harry tries again, “Please.” Harry begs. He needs Zayn to do something and not be so placid, he needs more than soft kisses, he wants Zayn and he wants him now.

 “Fuck.” Zayn moans from above Harry, “Tell me babe, tell me what you want.”

“You!” Harry practically shouts, “I-I need you, you Zayn.” He no longer cares how desperate he sounds. Harry had given up caring a long time ago because every time the two had sex it was such a common occurrence for Harry to end up begging that he no longer feels embarrassed by it.

“Yea, ok, ok.” Zayn sounds breathless and the familiar glisten of lust soon consumes his eyes and Harry allows himself to take a breath of relief because Zayn’s finally going to give him what he wants.

What he _needs._

All Harry hears is moans now and he’s not sure whether they are his or Zayn’s, but the sound envelops him completely and it’s simply spine tingling. His senses are alight and the burning desire he felt for Zayn before has now been engulfed by a flame of sheer passion. The words that escape his mouth are an incoherent jumble of just emotions that are all dedicated to Zayn. Zayn’s face reflects his sheer bliss in the moment and Harry’s again overcome with a new wave of emotion because he’s doing that to Zayn. He’s providing him with all that pleasure and Harry truly won’t ever become accustomed to or get over the feeling of having sex with Zayn.

*

In between the midst of all that passion, there are bad days. And on these days the amount of content in Harry is soon erased.

After the explosive fight at the restaurant with his dad, Harry had refused to cry on the way back to Zayn’s apartment (or really his and Zayn’s, because Zayn had called it “home”). And he had stayed true and didn’t shed a single tear all the way back.

He and Zayn are in bed that night, and although he’s under the thick covers, enveloped in Zayn’s arms Harry still feels cold. He feels disconnected from himself simply because all he can see is the look of sheer _disgust_ on his dad’s face and Harry so desperately wants nothing to do with himself. Feelings of self-hate consume Harry promptly that night and he’s left shaking and crying as the rabid thoughts race through his mind.

Zayn’s efforts to calm him down seemingly are ineffective. The act of help, appears to be doing the opposite, it only entices Harry to cry more.

All Harry can think that night is he doesn’t deserve Zayn’s love, he’s disgusting.

*

There are still some random nights Harry will awaken and be consumed with the feeling of self-hate, though slowly Zayn is easing him away from those thoughts.

“You’re beautiful.” Zayn will whisper on these nights as he presses a firm kiss to Harry’s forehead. “So damn beautiful.”

Harry begins to believe Zayn again. And the more he believes Zayn, the more hate Harry develops for his father. This hate is intensified when his mother informs him that they’re getting a divorce and all the reserved hate that Harry had is unleashed because now he doesn’t feel any connection to the man.

This dark emotion that has erupted within Harry makes him feel strangely stronger. He’s more affirmed in himself and he will, in no way allow for people to make him feel worthless or low again.

*

It’s nearing the end of the university break and Niall, Louis and Liam have all returned to London before the new semester commences. When they’re all back in the city again, Chris organises a gig for them at the local club. Harry recalls that this was where he first met Zayn, Liam and Niall and it was the place where he first heard them perform. He makes sure to tell Zayn that when they’re in the back stage area waiting for the place to fill out a little more before the boys get on stage again. Harry feels like such a love sick, teenage girl because when he mentions it he blushes which earns him a warm smile from Zayn and a sweet kiss to go with it.

“I just thought I’d mention it,” Harry tries to justify himself and not look so completely whipped because Zayn had seemingly been unaware of the importance of the place, “so you knew you had certain standards to live up to because you were great last time.”

“Or you’re just a big ball of cheese.” Zayn teases. “But I’m sure we’ll live up to those standards, and if we don’t I can blow your mind in another way.” Zayn winks before he kisses Harry.

Their kiss is unfortunately broken by the sound of Chris’ voice.

“Oi, break it up. Get up, c’mon you have a show to do, people to entertain!” Chris says, clapping his hands loudly as a mean to arouse  the three boys.

Though Harry’s very annoyed at this and he’s certain that Chris did this in spite of him because for some unknown reason, Chris doesn’t particularly like Harry.

“I’ll see you after the show.” Zayn purrs into Harry’s ear before he gives him one more peck on the lips. Zayn leaves with his electric guitar in hand, followed by Niall and Liam.

Harry also exits the backstage room not wanting to be in there for any longer than necessary with Chris (despite all his efforts he also can’t find it within himself to like Chris). Louis is still yet to make an appearance, but he told Harry earlier that day that he’d just find Harry in the crowd. So there Harry is, situated in the middle of the crowd, The Temperate one song into their show and Louis shows up.

“Hey!” Louis yells into Harry’s ear causing Harry to jump in startle at the sudden noise.

At the realisation that it’s Louis, Harry’s surprise is replaced with sheer delight and he envelops Louis into a tight hug despite the limited space of the crowd. “Hey you!” Harry says.

“Missed you.” Louis says while they’re still in the hug.

“Me too, Lou.” Harry informs him before the two disentangle and return their attention to the boys on the stage.

Harry’s pleasantly surprised with himself because he knows _every song_ the boys perform! _And really, could Zayn ask for a better boyfriend?_ Harry thinks to himself. Both Harry and Louis sing along, enjoying themselves immensely. Harry tries his very hardest to take notice of Liam and Niall but he simply cannot bring himself to tear his eyes away from Zayn. More often than not, Zayn locks eyes with Harry and a smug smirk will appear on Zayn’s face because he catches Harry staring. Luckily, Zayn’s too far to see the blush rising on Harry’s cheek. Harry ends up sheepishly smiling to himself because the people around him, in particular the girls, all think that Zayn’s looking at them and the scream in joy.

Louis seems to be having the same problem, Harry realises, because his eyes are locked on Liam. Harry nudges Louis with his elbow when he catches him staring at Liam which earns him a “fuck off will ya” from an embarrassed Louis, which only causes Harry to laugh even more.

As Zayn had promised, the boys perform magnificently and Harry’s again reminded of how fantastically talented Zayn is. The Temperate leave the stage after a message of thanks, and disappear to the backstage area. Slowly the crowd disperses and Harry’s still taken back by the fact that all these people are fans of his boyfriend’s band. When enough people have left the crowd area Louis and Harry head towards the backstage area themselves.

“So, did we live up to your standards babe? Or is there still room for me to impress you.” Zayn flirts as Harry enters the room.

“Keep your dirty talk to yourself please!” Niall yells, causing the room to erupt in laughter. Though this doesn’t discourage Zayn from lazily kissing Harry’s neck as Harry sits on Zayn’s lap.

Harry manages to part from Zayn to speak to Louis because he only saw him for that one weekend during their break and he misses his best friend. The two chat comfortably for a while before anything substantial comes up.

“I have to update you.” Louis mentions as his eyes scan over Liam.

Harry quirks his eyebrows and tilts his head towards Liam, “Yeah?” He’s intrigued and Louis’ shy smiling isn’t helping. Did something happen while the two were on their break? After all they were from the same town so they must have seen each other during that time.

“Yeah.” Louis nods, biting his lip.

“Louis! C’mon, I want to go.” Chris announces, immediately causing the smile on Louis’ face to disappear. For the second time that night, Harry’s filled with annoyance because of Chris.

“One minute.” Louis chimes.

Chris walks up to the two of them, standing next to Louis. “I want to go now though.” Harry rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, okay.” Louis caves. Chris’ arm snakes around Louis’ shoulder and Louis looks so small and so vulnerable it breaks Harry’s heart.

“Let’s put that arse of yours to good use. Missed it while you were gone.” Chris whispers into Louis’ ear and it’s not meant for anyone to hear but Louis, but Harry’s standing right next to them and he overhears the remark that clearly makes Louis uncomfortable.

Anger fills Harry and his dislike for Chris heightens. No wonder Louis thinks so lowly of himself, he’s never been shown otherwise. He’s been brought to believe that he’s not valuable for anything besides sex and Harry will not allow for Louis to believe that.

“Don’t talk to him like that.” Harry growls.

“Excuse me?” Chris asks his tone in disbelief.

“You heard me.” Harry throws back.

“I’ll talk to him however I please.”

“No, you fucking won’t. He’s not a piece of meat!” Harry’s voice rises and now everyone in the room has cast their attention towards them.

“Harry, don’t.” Louis tries to reason.

“No, Louis. I won’t let this prick make you feel like you’re worthless.” Harry says. A part of him realises that maybe this anger isn’t all to do with Chris, but partly to do with his dad as well. Though he lets the thought slip.

“Shut your fucking mouth.” Chris yells. He no longer has his arm around Louis, he’s standing right in front of Harry in a confrontational manner.

“Harry, love stop.” Harry hears Zayn say, but he won’t have it. He won’t let Chris walk over Louis.

“Why don’t you make me.” Harry steps closer to Chris. They’re so close their noses are almost touching.

“You’re just some fucked up kid with no real purpose but to be Zayn’s fuck buddy. And that’s perfectly fine, I thought I would deal with you until he threw you aside but I won’t take this.” Chris sneers.

“Shut the fuck up Chris!” Zayn yells and he’s at Harry’s side now.

Harry’s fuming by this point. His nose flaring every time he breathes in and he’s shaking with anger.

“Chris, please drop it. Let’s go.” Louis pleads as he tugs on Chris’ arm.

“Don’t fucking touch me.” Chris yells and he pushes Louis back forcefully causing Louis to stumble backwards and fall to the ground.

And then, Harry snaps. His right arm extends forward rapidly and his fist colludes across Chris’ face. Harry can hear the shouts and the surprise gasps that fill the room but he doesn't care. He pounces forward onto Chris, his mind fogged with sheer anger. He manages to push Chris to the floor and punch him once more before he’s being pulled off of Chris by someone.

Strong arms clasp around Harry’s waist when they lift him to try and control Harry. Liam is the one that’s holding Harry and Zayn’s helping him. Louis standing opposite them, clearly terrified by the whole ordeal.

“You don’t fucking touch him do you hear me?!” Harry shouts and he’s kicking his legs trying to escape from the confining hold. “You motherfucking dick! You don’t touch him!” Harry keeps yelling and he’s never felt so angry in his life.

Chris stumbles to his feet, a trickle of blood running down his chin from his busted lip. Niall tries to help him up, but Chris shoves him away.

“Fuck you.” Chris spits at Harry, which only aggravates Harry further making him thrash his legs more. “No, fuck you all. You fuckers are on your own.”

“No, Chris don’t please. I’m sorry.” Louis tries to say, but Chris won’t listen to it and he quickly walks out of the room.

It’s a little while more before Harry calms down to a point where he’s no longer shaking from anger. The room is completely silent and still, everyone too surprised by the outburst to really do anything. When Harry’s breathing returns to normal and he doesn’t seem like he’s about to run after Chris, Liam releases his hold on Harry.

“Lou.” Harry says, his voice so low and wrecked.

Louis’ still scared and at the call of his name he breaks into tears. Harry’s quickly at his side engulfing him into a tight hug.

“I won’t let him near you. You deserve so much more; you deserve so much fucking more.” Harry whispers as Louis cries, his face buried in Harry’s chest.

The silence still is present in the room all except for the small sobs that escape Louis. They stay like that for a little longer until Louis recovers. All the boys are solemn, and the high they felt from the show is long gone and it’s replaced with the realisation that they no longer have a manger.

“Well fuck.” Liam says.


	11. Surfacing Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is long over due and I'm so sorry for that! But I've had and still have heaps of shit on my plate right now with school and life in general so just thanks for being patient! I'm not entirely pleased with what I've written, but I felt I needed to update asap so this is the results of two sittings, which is also unedited. So for the mistakes in there, here's a pre-emptive sorry :)
> 
> hope you enjoy x

Harry’s writing.

He’s in his dormitory room, all alone and he’s writing.

It’s been _months_ since he last wrote something and now it seems as though he cannot stop the thoughts in his mind trying to escape as his hand move at lightning speed, attempting to capture every thought before it’s enveloped by a new one.

He doesn’t know why he stopped writing, because in this moment he finds bliss. Bliss from all the chaos and drama that is now his reality.

Hours pass by and Harry finally rests from the fictional piece he was creating. The work is still not completed, but for now Harry has begun a story about a body builder. Why? Well why not he thinks. Though this story is presumably going to stay as is; unfinished. Many, many times before had Harry started something and not brought himself to finishing it, always seemingly become bored with that concept and trying to find a new one that captures his interest momentarily.

The reason Harry finally takes a break from his writing (not because of his cramping hand or aching back from arching too long), but because of the knock on his door.

“One sec!” He calls to whoever is at the door as he tidies his room best he can and leaps towards the door, not bothering to ask who it is.

“You’re alive!” Louis beams once the door is opened.

“Hey.” Harry smiles sheepishly.

“Where the fuck have you been? I’m quite shocked to even find you here, not attached to your lovers hip then I see?” Louis mocks as he enters and plops onto Harry’s (still unmade) bed.

Harry simply rolls his eyes at this, “Did you want anything or do you find joy in being a dick?”

“Oh! I’m wounded Harold.” Louis feigns hurt. “How your words cut me! What have I, your most loyal friend ever done to you to deserve such profanities?”

“Drama queen.”

“Mock me as you wish, but I’m sorry for wanting to check up on my apparent savour.”

It’s been two days since the incident with Chris back at the club and this is the first Harry has seen of Louis. Well the first Harry had seen of any of the guys because afterwards, Harry had refused to have any contact with any of them and had resorted to locking himself in his dorm. Two days since he last saw Zayn too.

It seems that everyone had respected his wishes to be alone and had made no attempt to contact him, though Louis had obviously grown fed up after 48 hours.

“What? You don’t like savour? I can try and think of something else but I thought it was a fitting title.” Louis says when Harry doesn’t say anything.

And all of a sudden Harry has a headache. He hadn’t allowed himself to think of the incident or the effect of it or the fact that Zayn hasn’t spoken to him and now two days’ worth of worry crash down on him. He pinches the bridge of his nose, shuts his eyes and settles down onto his desk chair.

“Haz, you ok?” Louis asks softly, voice wavering with concern.

“Fine, yea I’m fine.” Because Harry doesn’t want Louis worrying over him. They sit silently for a moment or two, Louis obviously picking up on the thought that Harry is only right now contemplating the event. “What’s happened with the guys?” Harry finally breaks the silence.

A look of surprise appears on Louis’ face as though he’s genuinely shocked that perhaps Zayn hasn’t said anything to Harry. “Um, well, Liam and Niall went over to Chris’ today actually. I don’t know what’s happened though.”

 “Is he angry?” Harry asks, keeping his eyes firmly locked on his fingers. He doesn’t need to specify who “he” is, because Louis understands.

“Kinda, but Zayn’s always kinda angry, with that whole broody, mysterious persona bullshit.” Louis attempts to lighten the mood.

“Yea, I guess.” Harry plays along.

“Go, go and see him. I know you want to, and I know he definitely wants to, that whipped bastard, hasn’t left his fucking unit. You two are a good pair aye, both miserable sods.”

“Really?”

“No, I’m fucking pulling your leg. Of course!! Li told me he hasn’t seen him since the gig.”

“You don’t mind if I go do you?” Harry presses.

“Dude, I’m kicking you out of your own dorm, does it look like I mind?” Louis laughs.

Harry laughs along too, “ok, ok, no need to be so excited about getting rid of me. As I recall you’re the one that came looking for me.”

“And now I realise it was a terrible idea. Piss off will ya?” Louis jokes.

Harry gathers a few things and while he’s doing so Louis sets out. “Thanks Lou.” Harry says before Louis walks out.

“Any time love.”

*

Harry has a key to Zayn’s, or rather their apartment (Zayn’s been trying to get Harry used to the idea and refuses to let Harry call it his apartment alone), though it’s practically useless, because as Harry had predicted, the front door is unlocked. He pushes the door open with a roll of his eyes at Zayn’s unadaptable nature.

“Hello?” He says weakly as he steps in and sees that the main living area is empty, “Zee?” He tries again.

“Harry?” Zayn’s thick accent echoes from inside the bathroom.

“Yea, babe it’s me.” It’s quiet for a while and Harry can only assume that Zayn’s finishing off whatever he was doing in the bathroom. Enough time passes for Harry to start growing anxious before Zayn walks out, soft smile on his face in his work uniform, immediately shedding Harry of any negativity.

“Missed you.” Is all Zayn says before he envelops Harry into a hug.

And until right then, when Zayn’s nuzzling into the crook of Harry’s neck and his arms are securely around him, does Harry realises how much he missed Zayn. His presence alone is enough to cause a clear shift in his mood and his body obviously relaxes into the familiar feel of Zayn.

“Mhhm, me too.” Harry mumbles back right before Zayn eases his embrace around Harry and they stand facing one another, though Zayn’s arms are still encircling Harry’s waist.

“You ok?”

Five minutes earlier, Harry would’ve surely answered no, but right now, he thinks he’s ok. “Yep. Are you?”

“Now that you’re here, I’m a bit better.” Zayn says truthfully.

“I’m sorry Zee.”

“Don’t. Chris was a dick, we may be a little fucked now, but oh well he was a right prick. So don’t worry your pretty self.” Zayn smiles

“I didn’t mean to fuck you guys over. It’s just tha- it’s just-” Harry stutters, the immensity of the situation starting to dawn on him again and a wave of guilt crashes down.

“Told you babe, don’t worry about it. We’ll talk when I get back ok? I’m sorry to leave but need to get to work, like 10 minutes ago.” Zayn laughs.

Harry wants to tell Zayn, _‘No, don’t leave. Stay with me.’_ But he knows that he’s just being selfish, “Ok.” Is all he manages.

Soft, tentative lips brush his and Harry realises that Zayn’s kissing him in a manner to see whether Harry approves. And by God does Harry approve. He hungrily pushes forward into the kiss, his hands feverishly latching onto Zayn for dear life because Harry has missed him _so, so_ much and now he’s going and Harry wants him to _stay_.

“I need to go.” Zayn parts their lips, his voice breathless and his lips already swollen before he quickly pecks Harry and races out of the unit, “I’ll be back in 6 hours!” Zayn calls out as he goes out of the door.

Six hours.

Six fucking hours.

All on his own, when Harry wants nothing more than to be in the presence of someone. And now he has to spend six hours on his own.

Feelings of boredom quickly consume Harry after he’s tided the apartment a little. He never realised the repercussions of two days of absence would entail a messy rooms and an even messier kitchen. The cleaning acts as a source of therapeutic experience because Harry’s mind is occupied of no thoughts of boredom and longing. Though when everything is complete, the feeling quickly resurfaces.

“Hello.” Louis’ voice echoes through the speaker of the unit, signalling that he’s arrived since Harry asked (practically begged) him to come over.

“C’mon up!” Harry says as he presses the unlock key to the main door of the apartment block and awaits Louis.

“I’m here, you can stop your whining now!” Louis teases as soon as he walks in.

“Don’t make me regret calling you.” Harry warns.

“I plan on doing that exactly. You know Harry, I have other people in my life besides you.”

“Oh really now?”

“Most certainly.”

“Perhaps one of these people that consumes your, oh so valuable time, is a key board playing, tough looking, softy who goes by the name of Liam?” Harry mocks.

A blush creeps up on Louis’ cheeks, but he doesn’t let this faze him, “Listen, in this friendship I’m the one with all the bagging rights. Not the other way around.”

Harry laughs loudly, “Not my fault you’re so strung up on a straight bloke, make it too easy for me Lou to tease ya.”

“Well, would it change if I told you he wasn’t straight?” Louis mentions casually, not looking at Harry as he does so.

“What?! What do you mean he isn’t straight?” Harry practically yells from shock because _what the fuck?_ And it registers to Harry that Louis had mention on the night of the gig that he needed to update him and this, this must be what he meant! “Oh my god, what happened on your break?” Harry leaves it at that but he has many more questions bottled up in him, but he’s not keen on the idea of freaking Louis out.

“We hung out.” Louis shrugs. And come on! He’s deliberating tantalising Harry now.

“And?” Harry presses.

“Annnnndddddd,” Louis drags, “And long story short we kissed a couple of times, the feelings are mutual but he’s scared.”

Stunned. Harry is actually too stunned to form a proper reaction to this, because again, _what the fuck?!_

“Say something will ya?” Louis says.

“Lou, I’m so happy for!” Harry beams, though Louis doesn’t seem to reciprocate the feelings of glee. “Why do I get the feeling you’re not happy though?”

“Because nothing will amount from this.” Louis’ tone defeated.

“Don’t say that, just find out what he’s scared from and move forward from that.”

“I already know what the problem is.”

“That’s good! What is it?”

“No, don’t worry about it. Seriously it’s nothing to dwell upon.” Louis says with a smile.

“Lou, mate.”

“I said don’t worry.”

“And I asked what it was, just tell me!”

“I don’t want to upset you.”

This causes worry to develop within Harry. Why would Liam’s fear have anything to do with Harry? “You’re upsetting me now. Seriously love, I’m your friend you’re supposed to tell me everything.”

“I’m going to leave, Zayn’ll be here soon.” Louis says annoyed, rolling his eyes as he pronounces Zayn’s name. “I have an afternoon class to get to.”

Harry momentarily forgets that Louis still needs to finish explaining his story but he simply can’t escape the sheer tension between Zayn and Louis. “What’s your problem with Zayn anyway? Because it’s fucking annoying to have my boyfriend and best friend always awkward and tense around one another.”

“There’s no problem.”

“Don’t even try. I get that you hate the fact that he kissed Liam but that was ages ago Lou. Plus Liam has a clear interest in you now!”

“Kissed Liam? Is that what he told you?” Louis scoffs.

“Yea…why?”

“I think you need to have a chat with your boyfriend Haz.”

“Lou, what the fuck are you on about?” Harry questions, his apprehension setting in. “Louis! Tell me.”

“The _problem_ I have with Zayn is not that he _kissed_ Liam. No, rather it’s the fact that he slept with Liam and then buggered off the next morning leaving Li on his own. Sufficient enough for you? Understand why I have a problem now?

Words seem to escape Harry and for the second time within the conversation Harry is stunned. Stunned in a negative sense, to a degree that leaves him shaking. He’s unsure on why he’s so fucking hurt but this all, but it’s a combination of anger on Louis’ and Liam’s jealousy and the fact that Zayn lied to him.

“Babe, I’m sorry.” Louis says softly. “I shouldn’t have said that, last thing I wanted was to cause you any grief and I’ve done that. Don’t get upset ok. Harry, answer me.”

“I’m, I’m not upset.” Harry lies through his teeth. “Shocked, I’m just shocked.”

“I need to take my own advice, but it happened ages ago so don’t dwell on it.”

“Nah, nah. You’re right. Don’t worry I’m fine.” Harry keeps lying, this time with a convincing smile. “Seriously, like you said it happened ages ago, it doesn’t change our relationship.” Harry wills himself to believe that but he simply can’t. It does change their relationship, simply and foremost because he screwed Liam over and Harry had never though Zayn could be so cruel, Harry thought he knew Zayn. And also because he lied, he lied to Harry.

“You’re exactly right. Listen, I need to get going, my class starts soon. But don’t mention anything ok. Just let it be and go back to your lovey dovey self.” Louis smiles warmly, eyes apologetic.

“I shall, only if you stop feeling bad about telling me.” Harry offers him a smile too.

“Deal. Love ya Hazzy.” Louis hugs him tightly.

“Love you too.” Harry returns before Louis departs the apartment, leaving Harry to dwell in his misery, hurt and anger.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Feedback is much appreciated :) xx


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